dissolve. ✓

FOUR

jeongguk checked his thigh again the next morning—assuming he was really awake this time; he didn't remember going to sleep the night before—but it was still there. every time he checked, even when he was sure he was dreaming, taehyung's name was staring up at him, something between a threat and a light at the end of some tunnel. it took four days for jeongguk to convince himself that this was real, in every sense, and not some twisted figment of his imagination. then he made his decision.

jimin flinched when he opened his front door to find him standing there, disheveled and pajama-clad and a rolled-out-of-bed type of non-threatening, and jeongguk couldn't help but step back, ready to throw it all away and leave right now if that's what the older wanted. but jimin frowned at his own reaction, raised his head and smiled at him determinedly, and that helped to remind jeongguk that it wasn't him jimin was afraid of, not really. that hadn't been him, he wasn't that, he wasn't what it had made of him.

he let him in, led him up to his room and sat primly on his bed, a king holding court even in sweats and a t-shirt.

"what's up?"

jeongguk hesitated, clenching his hands in the extra fabric of his pajama pants to keep them from straying to places that were sort of inappropriate in a public context just to check; what if it had disappeared? what if he had imagined after all and he would find only pale skin and nothingness if he looked one more time?

no, he had made sure. he had checked over and over again, wasted days in pursuit of some kind of certainty. he was as sure as he could be of anything nowadays that kim taehyung was his new soulmate. that was why he was here, standing like a moron in jimin's room with the latter staring at him and looking more and more concerned the longer he didn't say anything. he opened his mouth to speak, had to clear this throat and try again.

"do you still talk to taehyung?"

that was obviously not even on the spectrum of things jimin had expected to hear from him, not that jeongguk could blame him for that. he was still having trouble believing it too, and not just because reality was a relative thing by now. it was just...taehyung.

"taehyung?" jimin echoed his thoughts, one eyebrow raised skeptically.

"yes, taehyung," jeongguk repeated. "are you still in contact with him?"

jimin nodded slowly. "of course," he said. "we were soulmates for a long time. we didn't stop caring about each other when the bond broke. we talk sometimes."

"good. great. um..." jeongguk scratched at the back of his neck, the strangeness of the moment translating into a physical sensation itching all over him, screaming at him that none of this could possibly be real. he squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head, ignored it as best he could. "i need to talk to him," he forced out.

jimin's mouth fell open. "you what?"

jeongguk rolled his eyes, impatient; he had really been hoping that jimin would be quicker on the uptake, or at least that he wouldn't ask questions. but of course he would—he was jimin. he always wanted a hundred and ten percent of all the information on any given situation, especially ones brought directly to his doorstep.

"i need to talk to taehyung," he reiterated through gritted teeth. "is there a number i can call?"

"why?" jimin asked, eyes narrowed.

jeongguk gripped his pant leg again, tighter. he wasn't up for an interrogation right now. his skin was crawling, his head hurt from exhaustion, and he just need to know that, in this if nothing else, he wasn't crazy. he couldn't get that from jimin, no matter how smart or wonderful he was. the only person who could give him that was taehyung. "will you give me the number or not?" he snapped.

jimin blinked at him in a different kind of surprise, this one tinged with hurt, and jeongguk bit his tongue until it bled; it wasn't the first time he had lashed out at someone recently, even though they were just trying to help. he couldn't seem to stop himself nowadays, but he still felt like a giant sack of dog shit every time he did it. he was just so goddamn angry, all the time about everything, and it scared him. he could feel it sometimes, that anger, like a separate entity boiling inside him and fighting to get out. it was like that all over again, entirely of his own making this time. 

jimin's hand, small and cool on his arm, made him jump. "jeongguk, what's going on?" he asked, gentler than his data-mining voice.

"nothing," jeongguk lied. "i just need to talk to taehyung."

jimin let out a soft sigh, his disappointment clear, and jeongguk turned his face away. jimin's hand tightened for a second, nails sharp against the softness of his inner forearm, before he let go. "fine," he said shortly. "but eventually you're going to tell me everything. because it's definitely something."

jeongguk thought about protesting again, but jimin had already snatched his phone out of his pocket and there wasn't really any point in arguing with park jimin anyway. he watched wordlessly as he programmed a number into his contact list.

"long distance rates apply," he warned jeongguk, as if that would deter him. then he held the phone out but snatched it back when the younger reached for it, face expectant.

"fine, i promise," jeongguk said, too tired to fight anymore. "i'll tell you, i will, just...not now, okay?"

he must've looked like a kicked puppy or something because jimin's pursed-lip look melted away. "okay, sweetie." he leaned up to press a kiss to jeongguk's forehead and put the phone in his hand, squeezing his fingers in his own for a moment. "get some sleep, jeongguk."

jeongguk gave jimin a wan smile and let him shepherd him to the front door and out. he sat in his car in the driveway for a long time, clutching the phone in his hand and wishing it were that easy.

—

spoiler for next chapter: taehyung actually makes an appearance, even if it's just over the phone !! owowowow

i hope you're having a good day! if not, here's a spiCy meme:

you're welcome.

(it's taking all of my power not to publish all of this today but I SO BADLY WANT TO but i so badly don't??? so that i'll have more time to work on act two of "loser" and "drown" before i publish it sksksksk)