The Daily Life of a High School Criminal

Chapter 1

Ugh… Maths is just so dull. Denominator this, circumference that. Who gives a crap? Honestly, when will knowing any of this actually be useful in life? All these hours of boredom and frustration just for a one measly hour of judgement on paper at the end of it. Pointless. Utterly pointless. That’s probably why I was failing the class indefinitely.

Deidara felt much the same way and was spending this lesson next to me doodling. I glanced over at what he was drawing… He could actually pass this exam if he wanted to, he was clever enough, just too stubborn to do so. Well, so could I but I took maths a year ago. They just wanted me to get an A* rather than an A. It was a complete waste of everyone’s time.

“Deidara” sir called out, “Can you solve this equation for us?”

He looked up startled and stared at the jumble of letters and numbers on the board, “Uhh…”

I scribbled the answer down on his notepad inconspicuously.

“It’s umm 3 over 4 times A squared, hm.”

The teacher looked annoyed that he’d got it right. Yeah, Mr Gunderson never really liked Dei, ever since the confusion over his gender at the start of term. Oh and his inability to keep his mouth shut when sir pissed him off. “And do you want to come up to the front and show your workings to the class”

“No not really un”

And here we go again.

“I’d like you to come up the front now Deidara.”

Everyone pretty much just stopped taking notes at this point. This kind of thing was more than regular, and we wouldn’t have to write anything down for a while now. I tried nudging Dei to just remind him that he was going to get himself in shit, but it didn’t seem to help.

“Why can’t you work it out yourself? It’s not that difficult un”

“Get out of my class, I won’t tolerate being talked to like that.” he pointed at the door, “OUT.”

“That’s what I was counting on, come on Sori”

“No Sasori you stay here.” Sir was getting pissed now, “Or I’ll send out on-call to come and get you back”

“Yeah umm” Dei was already leaving. Oh screw it. I hated this class anyway. “No, bye” I went out after him and practically had to run down the corridor to catch up. The brat was already pulling out a cigarette. Then he looked at his phone.

“Ten minutes, it took him ten fucking minutes to pick on me this time yeah”

“Well you don’t exactly help yourself brat.”

We went into the nearest toilets – not exactly the best hiding place in the world, but at least if we got found we could pretend we were pissing. “Whatever man, he was just pushing me this time”

“You didn’t leave on such good terms from last lesson either”

“Why what did I do last lesson?”

“You put a bomb in his desk drawer.”

“Oh yeah” he laughed loudly, “Yeah, I remember now. Didn’t I Instagram his face after?”

I sighed heavily. He needed to keep his antics on the down-low like I did or he’d get kicked out sooner or later. I didn’t want him to get kicked out, he was my best mate. Him smoking in the toilets probably wasn’t helping, but he did anyway.

The door opened and we both instinctively stood by the urinals and attempted to push out a stream, expecting it to be on-call. Turned out to just be Pein. He was in the year above us, and from how much I saw him out in the corridor he avoided lessons like the plague. A lot of the teachers got angsty about his piercings, but he never got punished for it because he never turned up. “Oh, hey man” Dei said as we zipped our pants back up, “We thought you were on-call”

“Oh, so that’s why Orochimaru’s emerged out of his office… Blondie, got a spare?” brat slid one out of the pack for him and reached up to light it. “Cheers”

Orochimaru was widely rumoured to be a paedophile, but for some reason the school still kept him on, despite what must have been hundreds of allegations. At least four of them were from Dei, and I’d filed a complaint myself once before. Him on your case meant an extreme amount of unnecessary discomfort. Well, psychopaths work where the power is, paedophiles work where the kids are. Isn’t that the way the world is.

“Where abouts was he when you saw him, un?”

“Going through the lunch hall, he shouldn’t be here for a couple of minutes. You need a warning to get out the window?”

“If you wouldn’t mind” I answered.

“Okay, usual drill then?” the usual drill was to stand outside the toilet and knock twice if the person outside saw anyone who was looking for us. I nodded in response, and Pein stamped his cigarette out before leaving for outside. It was worth it for the person who stood outside, because they’d have someone else cover for them next time they needed to stay on the down low. All they got was told to go back to class, anyway.

Deidara let out a long breath, slowly filling the small bathroom in suffocating smoke. “That is a disgusting habit, you know that?” I said through coughing up my own lungs.

“Meh, it stops me flipping out at teachers”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Hey, you remember what I was like last year yeah”

I did. Very vividly did I remember Miss Tsunade having to walk around with drawn on eyebrows and a wig until her hair transplant. Even more vividly did I remember the head returning to a pile of ashes in the parking lot where his car used to be. The video went viral.

The anticipated two knocks sounded lightly throughout the room.

“Well that didn’t take long… Come on brat, leg up” I hoisted him up and out the window once he’d got it open, and pushed him through. Then the painful wait... “Hurry up”

As a group we’d made sure to place strategic objects to stand on outside certain windows; this one had a chair concealed by a hedge from the other side. He pulled it up so he could reach, and put his arms back through the window to pull me out. I grabbed onto him and got hoisted out. All the while Pein stalled whoever was outside, it was quite an efficient and elaborate system we’d come up with. The best part was the staff hadn’t figured it out yet.

The final step was to push the window back into place, and if all went to plan, the teacher we were evading would enter to an empty room. This all happened according to plan and after another few seconds, the bathroom door opened. Me and Dei took this time to leave across the courtyard.

Dei stretched his arms above his head and grunted, “So, round the side of the sports hall?”

“Sure. Kisame’s got PE in there, text him to meet us I’m out of credit”

“Texting... Kisame... aaand, done. He might not even have his phone on him if he’s in PE, un”, Dei’s phone vibrated in his hand, “… Heh, I was wrong.”