The Daily Life of a High School Criminal

Chapter 3

“Dammit, it’s Miss Retardo” Furtado. The teacher my immature brat of a friend was referring to was Miss Furtado. The most unnecessarily difficult teacher we had to deal with, and there was Hidan, stuck at the back of the class on the row furthest from the door… but nearer another escape route. We knew what to do.

We watched as Itachi knocked at the door, and was granted entrance by the solemn teacher at her desk. As a trusted student, she didn’t suspect a thing. Now Dei reared his head up from underneath the window, behind Hidan’s screen, and lightly tapped on the glass. Hidan jumped and swore at him silently through the glass barrier, but calmed down once he realised what Dei was pointed to. Checking Furtado was distracted, he gently lifted the latch on the window. Then quietly as he could, stepped out onto the tarp surface and ducked down. I closed the window to behind him, and mission successful.

Itachi at this stage would see that Hidan had been successfully evacuated and discontinued the distraction, leaving to meet us somewhere in a moment. However Furtado of course wasn’t stupid, and noticed pretty quickly that Hidan, possibly the most trying student of her class, had suddenly fallen silent. We heard the clip of her heels coming towards the window.

“Shit, we can’t just run out or she’ll see us!” Hidan whispered. We were boxed in by walls from all but one side, where we’d surely be seen escaping. The answer was obvious.

Me and Itachi both seemed to have the same idea, and exchanged glances, “Up, let’s go”

The others followed our lead, scaling the brick wall and scrambling onto the roof. I didn’t know how stable this part of it was… but if we fell through at least we’d be sent to A&E before we were questioned about what we were doing. Treading lightly we ran past a year seven’s classroom window, until we were at a newer, more stable part of the roof structure.

“Oh my fucking Jashin that was the best escape ever!”

“Yeah but we’ve still gotta figure out a route to get to Kakuzu in time” I mentioned, “Has anyone messaged him ahead of time?”

“Wait why the fuck are we going to Kakuzu?”

“Money for weed”

“Ah okay”

Kisame replied to my earlier question, “I messaged him back then, he’s got drama and says he’ll meet us outside the class”

“Okay, drama, drama… all the classrooms are ground floor, right un?”

“It’s last lesson so Mr Hu isn’t in” added Itachi,

I continued, “And it’s Thursday so year eights are usually having their drama lessons about now in the theatre, and Ducky would be teaching them… leaving Mrs Gulliver”

“She doesn’t have a classroom so teaches behind the stage”

“So if we jump down into the courtyard-”

“-We can take the hall doors in and text him when we’re there”

“Let’s fucking go then we’re wasting our fucking time!”

One after the other we ran our way across the rooftops, jumping between the gap that separated block L from block H and running down to the edge, back where me and Dei first escaped the bathroom. “Quickly, quickly, quicklyyy…” What the fuck how did all this shit end up on the roof? I found myself jumping over broken sinks and tripping over old shoes. Handcuffs, what? Footballs I would expect but, what? I noticed up ahead that Hidan had a condom stuck to the bottom of his shoe… In a way I hoped that wasn’t from the roof or that would raise so many more questions.

We jumped down, landing on the top of a bench, and took a paper clip and ballpoint pen to the locks on the doors and went into the empty hall. This was a risky maneuverer: the hall was open territory, anyone could be walking through it. But we needed that weed.

I poked my head out of the dividing curtain between the adjacent doors and hall space, before determining it clear and moving out cautiously towards the stage door. Right on time as always, Kakuzu made his leave and came to meet us. “Okay, you’ve gotta pay me back by Monday next week or it’s two-fifty interest every day til it’d paid off”

“Okay, okay, just give us the mon-”

“Oi, what are you doing out of lessons?... Hey!”

Oh no. The worst case scenario was playing out. Kabuto, he’d found us. We froze for a moment like rabbits in headlights, before dashing in the opposite direction without looking back. He called after us as we disappeared into the library, where funnily enough it was completely silent and everyone saw us running through the fire exit, also setting off the alarm briefly before Kakuzu punched it quiet. I hadn’t realised they’d fixed that one from the last time. My bad.

We had only one option left, where it all began: The maths toilets. I pushed the door open and ushered everyone inside. Kabuto hadn’t caught up, I desperately hoped he didn’t think we were stupid enough to hide out in the toilets.

“No, no, no, no…” every one of the three stalls was occupied.

Instantly I dropped to the ground and looked beneath them to check they weren’t just empty and locked from the inside. First one, occupied. Second, occupied. Third, I recognised the shoes, “Pein!”

One by one we each leapt over the stall door and landed within it. Pein was in there, just sat on his phone as he watched us drop in one after the other, “… What’s the occasion?”

Needless to say it was a bit cramped in there. All seven of us, one stall… There was some very unwanted touching of some very private areas. “Orochimaru’s assistant, hm”

“I see” he went back to his phone and didn’t look up.

I could feel an unspoken tension from the other two stalls, “Don’t mind us, just seven guys sharing a stall together, nothing to see here” luckily that got rid of them and they quickly left. I would too if I was them.

“I got pulled out of drama for this?”

“Yes. And now we’re all crammed in a tiny fucking space and unwillingly fingering each other’s junk. Anything we don’t know Kakuzu?”

“Why does this sort of thing always happen when I hang out with you guys…” wondered Itachi, solemnly squished in the corner.

“Hey. I didn’t ask for this Hidan!”

“Don’t get shitty with me!”

"No pun intended, un?"

“Guys this is not a good time to be falling out” Kisame butted in, “Look just deal with it for five minutes and then we’ll go find Zetsu and forget about this whole thing”

“Just your average day, friends communing in the toilet cubicle together hm. You know sometimes I doubt our sanity, others I just think times like this bring us closer”

“Please don’t say shit like that when your hand is so close to my dick, brat.”

Oh but then, because we didn’t think it could get any worse, the bathroom door swung open. In a split second every one of us but Pein pulled our feet up off the floor. We all remained poised there, looking from one to the other, as Kabuto’s daunting footsteps approached our stall, “Who’s in there?”