The Daily Life of a High School Criminal

Chapter 4

We all mouthed nervously to each other, trying to figure out what to do, until Pein spoke up, “It’s Pein. Get another stall”, Kabuto ducked down, looking underneath the stall to see only Pein’s shoes alone, “Fuck off you pervert! I’m taking a shit now get lost!”

“I have reason to believe you’re not-”

“DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKIN’ REPORT YOU MATE?”

“I heard you talking to other people from outside”… shit. He was onto us. He was so fucking on to us.

“I was umm” he glanced at us all for an answer but we had none, “On the phone”

If I had a free hand I would facepalm the fuck out of it. Fucking really?

“So you were talking to someone on the phone, to complain about how close their hand was to your penis, while you were taking a dump?”

Ah. Yes, umm, that was an interesting paraphrase he had right there. A very tense pause followed as Pein thought long and hard about the concept of what had just been presented to him, “… Yes?...”

“Sorry to bother you.” That’s something you could always count on Kabuto to be: Blatantly and obliviously stupid. He shuffled out and let the toilet door swing to a close behind him. We all put our feet down from our ninja toilet imposter positions and let out many sighs of relief.

“Come on, let’s get out of here” I said opening the stall door,

We all filed out one after the other “We owe you one Pein, yeah”

“Don’t mention it”

“Why don’t we buy you a little pot as a thank you?”

Itachi’s suggestion definitely sparked some interest in Pein and he shoved his phone into his pocket urgently, following us out, “Yep, I think that’s fair payment”

“Alright but we’ve gotta be quick, we don’t know how long Zetsu will hang around for hm”

“And we don’t know who’s still looking for us…” I added. Orochimaru might even still be creeping about, and none of us wanted to bump into him.

Itachi creaked the door open and peered round, while we all looked over his shoulder anxiously behind him. “Is it clear?” asked Dei,

“… Yeah, let’s go”

We emerged slowly, and began warily down the corridor. We needed to get only a short distance down the glass corridor looking out onto the courtyard, and turn before reception then we’d be clear to go to Zetsu’s cupboard office and knock without arousing suspicion. Things were never that simple, though. As we rounded the corner, we all clearly saw at the other end Kabuto and Orochimaru.

“Shit!” we all went flat against the wall, Hidan asked, “Do we go round?”

“No point, they’d see us come the other way” answered Itachi, “Someone will have to act as a distraction…”

Deidara turned to Itachi, “I’ll do it, if I get a little extra for my share un”

“Are you sure you want to do this brat?”

He took off his tie and wrapped it around his head, tying it at the back. “Some of us have gotta make sacrifices. I’ll try and buy you enough time yeah”

Dei walked down the line of us against the wall. “Good luck blondie”

“You’ll be remembered for this”

Like the true hero he was, he went to his fate silent and bold. He strode down the corridor, swung the double doors open and stood in front of the two talking. As his final act, he shouted at the top of his lungs “HA, GAYYYYYY” then he ran for his life with the two teachers at his heels. So heroic.

We watched them disappear into the distance. Pein spoke, “He will go down in history for his sacrifice” we all stepped out into the clear corridor and walked to Zetsu’s office.

Kisame knocked, while the rest of us watched for any movement in the corridors. Eventually Zetsu came to the door, “Yes?”

“Hey, the windows need cleaning.” That was the code we’d sorted with him right back in year eight, and when he saw the wad of cash Kisame was holding, he nodded and retreated into his office. He came out thirty seconds or so later, with the weed in hand and made the exchange.

“You kids have fun” Zetsu said, then his voice changed and with a sinister laugh he said, “But not too much fun” before closing the door again. We’d debated whether he was bipolar or dis-associative personality disorder for a while, but had settled for just not caring cos we got pot.

We all lay on the field, sprawled out across the grass with joints in hand. Only three were circulating because we’d promised Dei extra. But a lot of people were becoming fairly resistant to that promise so I’d pocketed them for safe keeping. Now the joint was coming round to me, “Aren’t we err, gonna get caught out here? It’s a field?”

“Nah, nah man. It’s cool. Everything’s cool, man” Kisame was somehow stoned out of his mind already. Ah, this was the Kisame we all knew and loved. Comedown Kisame was just a grumpy bastard. Once he was channelling Comedown Kisame in assembly and he started ripping up chairs and squirting his water bottle at the head because they looked at him funny… Comedown Kisame was scary.

“Oi” Pein nudged my elbow, “Puff puff pass.” I passed it over and closed my eyes. This was the good shit that happened in school; the shit that wasn’t supposed to happen and was probably illegal.

“Hey guys” I opened my eyes, it was Dei. He’d made it back in one piece.

“Heh, nice job Blondie” muttered Pein,

Hidan lifted his head, “How the fuck’d you lose them?”

“Managed to lure ‘em into the dark room, and I just slipped out when they weren’t looking hm” he sat down next between Itachi and me, flopping back on the grass in victory.

“Glad you made it out alive. Well, I guess you’ll be needing this then” I smiled, reaching into my pocket and pulling out his share. He grabbed it off me eagerly and held his hand out for a light. Someone kindly took it off Kisame who was staring off into space with a little bit of dribble down his chin and threw it to him. I’ve never seen him light anything so quickly.

“You know what, today was a fucking good day” uttered Hidan,

Pein replied with a long inhale, “Yeah, we all found the time just to fuck off from lessons and hang out as a group for once”

“You’ll be doing that a lot more often by the looks of it” we all sat up at the sudden voice and turned around. Oh god, no…

Orochimaru grinned and through a slip of paper at each one of us, “Detention, detention. Detention, detention, detention-”

“Awh WHAT?!”

“No fucking way arsehole!”

Itachi bless him looked genuinely sad, “This’ll be my first detention… ever”

I picked up my slip for a detention at three-fifteen. Indefinitely. “I’m pretty sure you don’t have the authority to issue indefinite detentions.”

“Oh but if you don’t turn up, it’s going to become every break, lunch and after school session I can get. Ah, and the police are getting involved with the illegal activities side of things too, don’t worry” The bastard grinned. I didn’t fucking believe this… The bell rang and we stood up to go, muttering and cursing through our teeth as we did so. Just as we all turned to leave Orochimaru held up a finger, “Not so fast. That detention slip I just gave you, it starts today.”

You have got to be fucking kidding me.