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Journal 2
I'm embarrassed.
I finally get the chance to spend a day with her but it turns out weird. When we were skating, I loved how perfectly our hands fit and how fearless she was. Although, my face was blushing a lot, I tried to hide it. It's so frustrating to know that she isn't mine and I can't have her. She doesn't like me at all except as a friend. That's all I'll ever be.
At the music store, I could tell that Joshua was really ticked off by the flirting Wonwoo and Dino were doing and it irked my soul. I almost exposed myself by nearly telling them off. I know they were playing around but I just couldn't stand it, I already have to be aware of Joshua and watch them two be lovey-dovey with each other, the extra flirting was adding to my frustration; but I'm not mad. It's not my place to be.
Aiyana caught me playing the song I made. It's about her but she doesn't need to know that. I wasn't even intending for her to hear it at all, I just did a little slip up by playing in the open space. Thank goodness I didn't sing the lyrics, I have them but they aren't finished.
One reason why I study so hard and work so much is to keep my mind off my feelings and the pain. It's hard to see the one you're in love with loving someone who isn't you. Maybe one day I could express myself to her if I get the chance. All of these bottled up feelings are eating me up. One day I'll say something but not today. Not tomorrow. Not for a while.
Note to future self: If you fall in love again, don't hesitate to say something to her because they could be taken away at the blink of an eye.
