Was It Really Meant To Be?

13 Another Day

A week ago my mother died. It still hurts. Everything hurts. She was the glue that held this family together. My mom was my best friend, and now she is gone. We had a funeral. We burried her. What now? What am I supposed to do? Stay home and 'morn' for another week? Go to school and act like everything is okay? Call my friends to try to cheer myself up? Try to act like this never happens? Everything seemed so wrong. I sat in my room all day just processing life.

RRRRIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

this was not my alarm clock(because I smashed it while going through the denial stage of grief). This was not the school bell(I have not gone to school since she died). This was not my phone(I turned it off that day and never turned it back on). This was the door bell to my house. I assume is was another one of my mothers distant relatives who came just to say they were sorry(as their apologies could bring her back) then give us some kinde of home cooked meal then leave.

I hear my dad open the door and I go back to just sitting in my room. After a while I hear someone knock on my door.

"Come it" I say. Quiet and without emotion. I don't have any emotions left. All my joy died with my mother that day.

I don't look but I hear some one open my door and come in my room then sit on the bed next to me. They just sit their. They don't say anything. At least 30 minutes must of gone by of me and them sitting their without saying anything. Their presence was so unbelievably comforting. It felt so good. I dont know what it was about it. Maybe it was the though that they were here for me and that they would always be here for me. Maybe something about their presence reminded me of her. It was just so comforting. I started to cry brake down. The person put their hand on mind and I suddenly stoped.

"Thank you" I say

"I'm here for you" I immediately recognized the voice as Cameron. I sit up and lay my head on his shoulder. We are both looking out the window of my room still holding hands.

"It hurts so much" I say while fighting tears.

"I know" he says. "When you lose someone...it feels like everything is frozen it time, but its still moving so fast...... It feels like you lost her yesterday and a million years ago at the same time"

"Yea... Yea that's right." I say.

"People say 'it gets better' and 'you'll move on' but it doesn't, and you don't....... It actually gets a lot harder... But after a lot of time you will finde a way to settle with an in between perfectly not so perfect life." He says looking as if his words surprised himself.

"Really?" I ask as I look up into his eyes. He looks down into mine "I promise" he words echo in my mind. We dont brake eye contact we just enjoy it. I enjoy it. I enjoy every second of it. He started rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand which he was still holding. I look down at our hands and lightly smile. I feel a stray tear fall off my face.

"Do you remember that time in the first grade when you forgot your lunch and I tossed you the hard boiled egg my mom packed me, but it was actually a raw egg and it cracked all over you." Cameron says with a light hearted laugh. I laugh as well " yea it was picture day and I was covered in egg yolk in our first grade yearbook"

"Do you remember how after school that day you and your mom came to my house to yell at my mom for that and your mom and my mom became best friends" he says. I laugh. I remember that day perfectly. "It was also the day you and Chris became best friends". He laughs

"Do you remember that time in 5th grade when your mom said she was gonna make French crapês for the class culture day. And when culture day came not only was she late. But she didn't even bring anything" he says while laughing hard. I laugh just as hard.