letters to...

Dear boy,

Dear boy who used to make me smile,
I hate you.
You are my almost never,
My what could have been.
I hate that when you hold me i feel safe and at home,
like the stars have aligned
and nothing else could ever feel this right.
I hate the sting i feel when you look at the way you do when I talk about the things I love.
I hate the way you glide you finger on my knee, up my leg that little electric Spark.
I hate your contagious smile.
I hate I can't stay mad at you or even around you.
I hate that your so right, and what I've been told from a vary young age is so hard to find.
I hate the way you say you feel about me,
Because it makes me to happy.
I hate it even more when I'm so ready and your far from it.
That you can't understand the pain that's caused.
I hate the way this feels so much bc it feels to right some times I even think it's love
Wow... love.
then I don't hate you,
I hate
me,
for not being able to hate
you.
I hate that I can't tell you,
Because then I'd have to stop-
Stop letting you hold me when I've reached my end and I'm at my breaking point!
Stop letting you be my knight in shining armor...
Stop letting you look at me the way you do!
stop our late night calls.
Our good morning and good night's.
Stop the hugs
... the kiss
...the touch.
Stop the sitting so close feeling your warmth and breathing your scent.
Stop the sharing of thoughts and ideas.
I'd need to cut you off!
not let you see the burnt edges and broken prices!
You couldn't be my happy place!
I couldn't love you any more
Bc it would be a blade to the heart
Every time I said your name!
Like being pushed off a cliff and not being able to look back. I feel like I'm holding back the tears from the pain you caused.
It would all need to
Stop!
every little moment with you that brought me joy.
Everything.
...
I hate this
I hate us
I hate you...
~ sincerely the girl you said you once cared for
But never really did