人生の本。

01. revenge.

He's broken my heart beyond repair, he's caused me to cry for days, weeks, months. made me feel less of myself and tore me apart, without touching me. My name is Tori Henderson, I'm twenty-six years old, and I want revenge on my ex-boyfriend. Why? because he ruined me, he made me feel like shit, he made me question my worth and broke me down to fragments. I did everything I could to take him down, the way he did to me.

I arranged for people to hurt him, it didn't happen.

I arranged for people to turn against him, it didn't happen.

I tried to destroy his reputation, I failed.

So much anger was built up inside me, so much pain and rage, all mixed together, all pulling me down into a dark void. I felt as if I was just making it better for myself when I was only destroying myself. I wanted him to hurt, I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. I kept thinking of what to do to hurt him. I kept imagining myself, punching, clawing, choking him, in every single way possible, so much so that I wanted him dead in my arms. I wanted to be the reason he'd die, or suffer. I needed to see him in some sort of agony. No matter how hard I tried, that never happened, and all it did was leave me jealous and wanting more, wanting more pain to go his way. I would go out of my way to inflict pain or some sort of inconvenience to his life.

Nothing ever worked.

Why couldn't this happen? Why couldn't I ruin his life the way he did mine? All those sleepless nights, due to endless crying and a broken heart. All the times I've looked in the mirror and absolutely hated myself for the things that caused him to go. All that pain eventually turned into anger, it turned into remorse, I no longer wanted him to live. There came a day when I realized I would get my revenge, and nothing was gonna stop me then. I wanted him to die. I wanted to see his world shatter under my grasp, I wanted to see his breathing stop, and I wanted to hear "*blank*has been pronounced dead at the scene". I wanted it so badly, nothing was gonna change my mind. I made up my mind. I was gonna murder my ex.

It was around June when I decided to do it. I didn't feel nervous, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel anxious, I didn't feel hate, I didn't feel anything. I felt completely empty. I was walking down the moonlight covered streets of Ohio. I didn't even understand who I was at that point, cause I didn't care. I had my music blasting in my ears, so not even I could hear my thoughts raging wild. My eyelids hung low as I continued to walk, my left jacket pocket heavier than the other. I'd stolen the pistol that my father always hid in his special safe in his closet, I walked, I didn't care where my life was gonna go after I did this. I didn't care about the repercussions of what would happen next. I didn't care about anything that happened in my life anymore, I couldn't give one care in this world. I walked onto his block, the music loud enough to hear from the outside.

"t-minus 90 seconds in counting..." I mumbled along with the song, my footsteps matching along with each bass drop in the song, I didn't see anyone or anything besides him. I saw him now. I walked slowly, still matching the beat.

"t-minus 17 seconds remaining in counting..." I gripped onto the handle of the pistol, pulling it up and out of my pocket.

"17...16...15...14...13..." the song sang. The gun at my side, my hand swaying with every step I took.

"12...11...10...9...8..." I walked up closer to him, him being only a few feet away. he looked at me, just from the look in those eyes, I knew he dreaded me being there, but that's too bad. he was sitting on a stoop with his sister. I walked right up to him, the tips of my converse touching his. He looked up at me, his upper lip lifting slightly in annoyance. I pointed the gun at his head, causing his eyes to widen, his face filling with fear.

"7...6...5...4..." the music and I sang.

"T-Tori..." He mouthed. I couldn't hear him. I didn't care. I just smiled. I couldn't hear his sister gasp in fear as she frantically got up. I felt her screaming, I felt it, despite my music blasting in my ears.

"*blank"! Move! She's gonna kill you!" She screamed loudly, loud enough to hear over the raging music. I began to laugh to myself. Oh yes my dear, I was definitely gonna kill him. God, I couldn't hear anything.

"3...2...1." I pulled the trigger, the gun letting off a loud explosion, propelling me back a bit. A mixture of blood, and brains were sprawled out on the stood, and all over the frantic sister. I smiled so widely, I felt this big weight get lifted off my shoulders. I closed my eyes and whispered. I had just killed my ex.

"I got my revenge..."