人生の本。

02 you'll find another life to live.

"Sometimes love makes you stupid, even foolish." She whispered. My best friend Zuri, looked down at me, a soft smile on her face as she rubbed my shoulder. I had my head on her lap, I've been crying for a good twenty minutes now. She was the only one there with me. I was hurt at the moment because I'd done something foolish...Something I deeply regret.

I believed her though. Love is painful, foolish and inevitable. Tears were slowly trailing down my cheeks. "It does..." I mumbled softly, my voice fading a bit. She looked forward, a slight smile on her face. We were sitting in the open valley not too far from home, the sky was covered in stars, they were shimmering and shining brightly. She looked up at the stars and spoke again.

"Izzy..." She said quietly, that's the nickname she had for me since kindergarten. I looked up at her. "I know you wanted him to feel the pain you did, and you wanted him to suffer like you are. I know how destroyed you are. I know there are people you talk to who try their hardest to comfort you, telling you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear." She looked down at me. "I also know that you get angry when people tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear." I felt my heart contract inside my chest, it was painful but I listened.

"Those are the friends that want the best for you. I'm one of them." I sat up and looked at her, wiping my tears even though I knew they wouldn't stop. She grabbed my hand, looking me in the eyes. "You're both wrong, Izzy." I stood quiet, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. "You're wrong for targetting him, despite knowing how he moved on and is trying to desperately forget you. You went after him, you watched him, you still loved him. You hurt yourself by adding to the immense pain he gave you."

I looked down, biting down on my bottom lip. She lifted my chin. "He's wrong for taking you for granted and listening to the lies people told him. He's wrong for breaking your heart and leaving like nothing ever happened. He's wrong for leaving you out in the cold that day. He's wrong for all of that. He's wrong for hurting you." I felt myself tearing up again, my vision becoming blurry. Soon enough the tears were pouring down my cheeks again. "It's okay to be hurt, It's alright to cry, this happens to everyone." She lifted her hand and wiped my cheek but to no use, the tears kept going.

"But you cannot let this beat you. You can't do wrong and then run from the truth." She frowned. "Two wrongs don't make a right. You were wrong for sending your friends after him because you were so angry, you were so broken down from what he did to you. You were wrong, but you're so scared to admit that...Why?" I got up quickly, pulling away in the process and taking a few steps back.

"I know I was wrong!!" I screamed at her. "I know what I did, I know the things that happened!!" I cried, choking on my own tears. "I didn't admit it because I was scared of the truth! I was scared to admit that I just wanted to see him again! I was scared to say that I still missed and loved him like before! I was so angry because of what he did! I was so fucking hurt!"

I fell to my knees and gripped onto the warm grass beneath me. "I wanted him to love me again, I made myself look so stupid..." I pressed my forehead to the ground, sobbing out loudly, my chest contracting each time I did so. "I wanted to feel that again! I wanted him to see me, to notice me! I wanted to make seem like I moved on, so he'd be happy! I didn't! I didn't want all of this! I didn't want to conjure more hate than there already was, Zuri!" I pulled on the grass, I felt her hand on my back. "Keep going... Let the truth out."

"But after seeing everything fall apart, because of my actions... I regretted it all. It continued to play in my head over, and over, and over! There's no going back anymore." I closed my eyes tightly as I repeated;

"There's no going back anymore."

She sighed and continued to rub my back. "You're right Izzy, there's no going back but there is moving forward. This will happen again, it's how this life is. Heartbreak is everywhere, in every form, and not all heartbreak is the same." I shook my head, removing my forehead from the ground and sat down on my legs. "How can I move on from this?!" I looked at her. All she did was smile and reach over, taking the pieces of grass off my forehead and out of my hair. "By moving on." I scoffed. "You were making sense a minute ago." She chuckled and scooted closer to me.