Hostages

seventeen

- Andrea -

It's moments like this where my entire body goes completely numb. From head-to-toe, I can't feel anything. The air escapes my lungs and hangs there in front of my face. I should take the breath in but I can't. I don't want too. There is no reason for me to feel alive when everything else feels dead.

It's moments like this that break me; that literally destroy me. From the inside out, I can feel myself slowly falling to tiny, brittle pieces just laying on the ground. My heartbeat stops and the world slows down. Everything goes dizzy and faint. You feel like you're dead. You feel like life is on pause. But it's just for a few moments. A few tiny milliseconds. That is, until you're brought back to reality and have to face the monsters in front of you once again.

The silence on the lot carried out for miles. You couldn't hear anything. The anticipation grew as we all stood there, just waiting for a little bit of the exploded sand to fall to the ground to get the full picture. It was taunting us. It was like it was just frozen in the air on purpose. When the majority of the dust had returned to the ground again, no one moved, no one said anything.

You could make out two objects. Louis, being one of them, was just a lifeless body, laying on the ground. There was no movement. Will, being the other object, was laying next to him. He looked pretty dead too.

"Louis!" I screamed, loudly and escaped from Niall's now loose grasp. I ran up to Louis and dropped to the ground next to him. Tears fell from eyes, my hands shaking tremendously, as I cupped his frozen face. His eyes closed and his breathing gone. "No!" My voice croaked. "No! No! No! No!"

I was hauled away from him as paramedics surrounded him. "No!" I screamed out, kick and screaming, trying to escape but the hold on me was too tight. "Louis! No! No!" My voice was screeching out a repeated set of no's because I could not believe this. I could not contain this. No. Not Louis. Not here. Not now.

Paul had my grasp, swinging me around to place me in the arms of Niall who held me in a tight hug. I tried prying from his strong hold but it was no use. He just held me tighter and tighter. I had no energy to fight him off anymore as each sobbed carried out from my lungs. "Shh. Stop screaming." Niall soothed into my ear, patting my knotted hair and rubbing my back. You could hear in his voice he was mostly stunned from this moment. He wasn't crying. Just in complete shock.

I just stood there in his arms and buried my face into his chest. My brain kept replaying the scene over and over again as if it was a movie. With each passing picture, my sobs got heavier. They sounded horrifying but I don't care. The man who I found myself in love with just died in front of my own eyes.

I cried and cried and cried. I didn't bear to look back at the paramedics who were helping the lifeless Louis. This isn't fair. This shouldn't have happened. Louis didn't deserve this. It was me Will wanted, not Louis. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have left Louis in the basement. I shouldn't have let him jump in front of that bullet. This should be me dead, not Louis.

I couldn't stay here. I couldn't stand here and watch them carry him away to the hospital. I couldn't stand here and listen to the obnoxious sirens blaring in the background as more and more paramedics showed up to help. I couldn't stand here and bear the thought of knowing Louis' gone. That thoughts not much of an escape though.

I pushed from Niall's grasp. I didn't let my legs stop me. I sprinted as fast as I could off the property and away from this traumatic crime scene.

"Andrea!" I heard Niall's voice call out after me, but I didn't dare to look back. I just kept running, out and onto the abandoned and lonely dirt roads. I didn't know where I was or where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of there.

This is all your fault! You stupid, stupid girl. Louis didn't deserve this. My conscience scolded and yelled. It was all I could hear. Her yelling at me; shoving it in my face that I know this is all my fault; making sure I remember this moment for the rest of my life. It's all my fault. I brought my dirty hands up to wipe them and ended up tripping and falling to the ground.

I skinned my knee on the hard gravel, and rolled onto my bruised and sore side. I didn't bother to even look at my knee. I didn't even bother to look if another car was coming. I bothered to curl up into a ball and wail out another sob. This is all my fault.

"Andrea!" His familiar voice called out after me. I didn't move. I did want to get up and continue running but I couldn't. So I didn't move. His feet stopped, crouching next to me. He pulled me into an embraceful hug and I cried into his shirt. I didn't look at him. I couldn't let him see me like this. God, I hated crying.

"He's gone," I croaked out, nearly choking on my own words. "He's really gone."

"Shh," his voice was small and reassuring. He sounded like he had let out a couple tears and sobs himself. He squeezed me, comfortably, and rocked me back and forth. "It's okay. It's okay."

"But don't you see?" I snapped, pushing him off but he didn't move. I looked back towards the direction I came. You could still hear the sirens playing in the distance. "It's not okay! I love him and now he's gone! And it's all my fault!"

"Hey now," Liam looked at me, sternly. "This is not your fault, this is no one's fault, Andrea. I know, it's hard and rough on all of us. The doctors are doing everything they can to make sure Louis is still breathing. He's not going anywhere." He spoke soothing me again.

"You're right, he wouldn't be going anywhere. Only if that was me in his place. But instead it's him whose dead and I'm alive? That's not fair. I shouldn't have left him in that basement. I should've stayed right there with him." I argued, my emotions coming in from all different directions. I guess that's the shock in all of this though.

"Why, so you both could be dead?" He looked at me, his eyes hardened but his facial features were still soft. "If you didn't come and find us, Andrea, it's most likely that you two would've been locked up again. Louis would've died on his own and you would've ended up dying if you didn't find that necklace."

Liam was right. I wouldn't have known what Will was talking about if I didn't have that necklace. But I still have that nawing feeling that this is my fault. It was shocking and surprising that Liam came after me. He's a good guy and seems like a great friend, but we aren't that close so I wouldn't have pegged this as Liam chasing me. I guess everyone else was just too stressed and upset to be in this state of mind right now. Liam was helping me and I couldn't thank him enough. As much as I wanted to be alone, he was being the friend I really needed right now sitting here with me. After all that has happened today, I just want it to be over.

Louis actually has a life. He has friends and family that love and care for him. He has an amazing career that is now over for him and, possibly, his band mates. He has everything he could have ever wanted and I am so proud of where he went in life but now... it's all over.