Warmth

15

Am I selfish, self serving, conceited?
Am I distant and lonely and tired?
Am I what you wanted me to live up to be?
No.
You say I'm selfish, yet I can stay up with my fiance over the phone for hours to make sure she's okay. I can give to the poor and I put others before me, yet I'm selfish.
Maybe I'm only selfish when it comes to you. Acceptance is all I want. I don't care about food or water or a place to stay, I want love. I want an "Are you okay?" and a "how was your day?".
It's always "stay home. Don't date girls. Don't leave home. Don't have sex. Let us control you."
I will make my own fucking decisions. I love you, but for some reason you say I don't love you.
How can I "disrespect" you if I NEVER FUCKING SEE YOU?
My life revolves around my love life, school, poetry, my friends, and music. I'm not ashamed of my choices.
But I am ashamed of you.
Yet I love you which is stupid. You won't let me be me. You won't let me be myself. You act like you don't love me, not the other way around. I pay bills. I pay for everything.
-M