The creepy woods
Title: Just Run
Date: 6/24/14 1:54 AM
"We're over." and just like that our 18 year relationship came to an end.
Eighteen years of arguments and midnight kisses, of being together, whispering things in each others ears and cursing under our breaths. Eighteen years of thick and thin. Something that once seemed unbreakable broke.
Tears formed in my eyes, "Caleb, please."
"No Syliwa," he blinked his eyes quickly. "This time it's for good." eighteen years if knowing it was gonna happen and believing it never would.
He turned toward his truck, the very truck whose bed we laid in and made out for the first time ever in our relationship. Oh how I wish I could go back.
I was too choked up to respond. Emotions flooded me all at once. Apart of me wanted to chase after him, follow him to wherever he goes, no matter where to show him I still love him. Another apart of me just wanted to fall apart on the porch. Another wanted to just run straight, straight into the lake approximately a half a mile away from where I was standing. But most of me just wanted to die.
Die because the pain in my chest was just too strong to live with. His arms had left bruises in my mind but scars in my heart. His soft goodbye kisses, his sweet morning texts will all be mourned for. Eighteen years that will soon turn into eighteen tears. Years lost. I needed to do something I imagined myself running to that lake, feeling the cold mud on my feet then the rocks, and then I imagined myself drowning in the lake's filtered water. Suddenly my brain realised I needed to breathe. I forced open my eyes and they began to burn. I pulled my arms up trying to reach the top of the lake and break water. Breathe. What am I doing? I wanted to die. I forced my head back under. And then I suddenly fell in love with the way I could die in something that rejected me from the beginning. I kept trying to drown but my natural instinct to live overthrew any attempts.
I soon gave up, promising myself a bottle of pain pills or kicking over a chair will be better. When I stepped out my feet were bare and hurt as I walked on the rocky dirt, but I didn't care. My feet could be bleeding, cracking, falling off and I wouldn't care because I don't have him. I don't have him holding me in this tree log that we made a bench. I don't have him reciting Hamlet in front of me for the school play. I don't have him. I need him.
I felt the rough bark with my fingers, which resulted in a pretty bad splinter which oddly connected me back to reality. Suddenly every noise was important in the moonlight. The ruffle if dry leafs over there, a twig snap under my foot, the ruffle if my shirt, wind whipping past me, birds, owls, foxes wolves, everything was important. dark clouds formed above me. there wasn't supposed to be rain today. What the heck is going on. A branch snapped behind me. I know for a fact that wasn't my feet. Soon rain start falling and an odd thought occurred. The water came back for me, even though it rejected me. There was another snap.
I wonder who else came back.
