All This Time

The Only Exception

I rested my forehead on the door for a few minutes after Meng left. I let the feel of the tenderness of her kiss on my lips and my cheek, and the comfort of her arms around me linger for a little bit longer. I tattooed to memory her voice when she whispered I love you, too before she left. These were enough to give me strength to face Violet after everything the doctor laid out about her condition.

I slowly walked back to my daughter and noticed that she had woken up and turned her head to my direction.

“Hi, daddy,” she said in a weak but clear voice when I stood next to her bed.

“Hello, my love. How are you feeling?” I kissed her forehead and gently caressed her arm.

“I’m okay, Daddy.” She smiled sweetly at me, and although my heart ached at seeing her like that, it swelled with pride at how brave my little girl was, amidst the pain and discomfort she was visibly feeling. I’d never seen her this frail in all her years of going in and out of hospital confinement, and I felt helpless seeing her really fight for her life this time.

“Are you sure, anak? I can call a nurse or a doctor to check on you?”

“Yes, Daddy. No need to call them, they’ll come anyway. You wanna lie with me here, Daddy? You look tired.”

I choked a sob. She’s the one who just had surgery, barely got out of the ICU and she was worried that I looked tired. My daughter had probably seen me cry more times than any child probably should, and every time, she would just wrap her tiny arms around my neck to hug me. I tried to be as brave as her, but tears started pooling in my eyes.

“You have to lean closer Daddy. I can’t reach to hug you.”

I carefully climbed on her bed instead, as I hastily wiped my eyes before the tears rolled down my cheeks. I rested my arm over the pillow above her head and she snuggled closer to me. If her arms didn’t have tubes connected to them, she probably would have wrapped them around my neck. I held her close to my heart and savored the few minutes of quiet with her.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I’m glad you’re here, Daddy.”

“Me too, baby girl.”

“But where are Yaya Virgie, Yaya Pepe, and Tita Meng?”

“They went home to rest, my love. They were here when you were sleeping. They all wanted to stay, but visiting hours were over. And I wanted to have you all to myself anyway.”

“Oh, okay. How about Lolo Ted and Lola Ann?”

“They are still out of the country, love. But they’ll come home soon. Is this some kind of a roll call? Check ng attendance ba anak?”

She chuckled then went quiet. I started humming some random tune while I gently ran my fingers through her soft hair.

“Daddy?”

“Oh I thought you fell asleep. Yes, my love?”

“Miss you, daddy.” I choked back my tears and kissed the side of her head, then leaned my cheek on it.

“I’ve missed you, too, Violet my love. I’m sorry I was gone almost all day.”

“That’s okay. We were busy here anyway. The doctors were in and out and they had me sleep for a long time.”

“Oh okay, then I didn’t miss much?”

“If there was anything, then we both missed it. I was asleep almost the whole time.”