All This Time

Before The Worst

Monday. It's that one day when I get up extra early in the morning and eat extra healthy breakfast to get a head start on everything at work and psych myself up for the rest of the week.

But not this Monday, when I opened my eyes to a handsome face so close to mine that our foreheads and noses touched. I blinked once, twice, and as the haze of sleep finally left me, I realized that even if I wanted to, it was impossible to move. Our limbs were so tangled and wrapped around each other that I wondered how on earth was it physically possible to be in this position. This surprised me too because I never got used to sleeping with anyone in my bed. I felt the glare of the sunrise through my windows, so I wanted to check the time, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the sleeping marshmallow who had trapped me in his warm embrace and was probably inhaling my morning breath.

I smiled stupidly at the predicament I found myself in, and for the first time in a very long time, I didn't want to leave my bed to get ready for work or for anything, really.

I stared at him while I tried to remember when I fell asleep.

Was I dreaming when he said he loved me more than I will ever realize?

Hmmm... most probably, I thought when I clearly remembered that he fell asleep first.

I tried to recall the events of the night that passed. To say that the Skype call with my parents was weird would be one hell of an understatement.

First, it was the first time I had witnessed how close RJ was to Mom and Dad. At some point, I even felt out of place, like an outsider watching a son tell his parents about their ailing granddaughter. A part of me felt a little jealous because I wasn't part of those years when they had developed this closeness. I wished I was.

Second, I had never seen my mom cry like that before, and never seen my dad so somber. They must really love Violet to get that emotional. I couldn't blame them. The first time I met her, I wanted to stay by her side and take care of her and show her that she's so loved.

Third, the endless teasing of my parents was just gaaaaah! It was awkward and embarrassing, and worse, RJ just smirked the whole time, and surprisingly, I actually enjoyed it.

What the hell is wrong with you, Nicomaine?

Fourth, RJ's nonchalance about the fact that Violet was given only six months left to live. Just thinking about it breaks my heart. It was probably his way of dealing with it or maybe he was trying to be brave in front of my parents. We didn't get to really talk about it because it seemed like too sensitive a topic. It just worried me that he seemed so calm. Even when I held his hand because I thought he was going to have a hard time telling my parents, his hand was warm and relaxed.

I was able to pull my arm free when he stirred and I tried to touch his cheek. I also took the chance to turn my face a little away from his, and I thought he was finally going to untangle himself from me. Instead, his right thigh and entire leg wrapped around me tighter and he buried his face deeper on the side of my face that I felt his nose in my ear.

What a clingy marshmallow.

I giggled when he triggered another tickle spot in my ear that I didn't know I had. I tried to move my face and found myself staring at him again, when his lids started fluttering, and then two hooded light brown eyes were staring into mine.

"Good morning..." he whispered in that low, raspy bedroom voice. I didn't know fresh breath was possible when you had just woken up? He smiled and then closed his eyes again as he tightened his arm around me. I stayed stuck, like a helpless mouse with a fluffy snake coiled all around my entire body, with only my eyeballs able to move.