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It's been two years since it ended. Two years after the war. The school was rebuilt surprisingly fast, but some things were never the same. Some things couldn't be rebuilt.
I never cried when anyone died, I couldn't let myself. They died fighting for something that was worth fighting for, they wouldn't want me to cry for them. My friends were concerned though, I used to be such an emotional person. I wore my heart on my sleeve and I could always find the good in someone, war changes things. Hermione said that I couldn't keep it in, she knew I would explode one day and she knew it wouldn't be pretty. Harry understood where I was coming from but still agreed with Hermione, he didn't want me to torture myself with it all. Ron- Ron was different then this friends, he wanted to be like me, he wanted to not cry or even feel at all. He lost a brother, he thought it would be easier if he didn't feel, if he didn't care. Ron was lucky, he never managed to do it, he had someone who cared about him to help him through it all. I had no one, not anymore.
Draco left. He left to fight on the opposing side. He left me to fight against me, he never even said goodbye.
So here I am, sitting in a coffee shop like I do every afternoon, just thinking about everything that happened. I think about how I almost died, how I even killed, how I'm going to strangle Draco Malfoy with my bare hands if he ever shows his face to me again. I think about other things too, like how I'm applying to become a professor at Hogwarts for next year. I'm going to be the transfiguration professor, at least I hope I will be.
Blond. Platinum blond. I saw it for mere seconds but I would know that hair anywhere. He passed by the coffee shop and for some strange reason I decided to follow.
I didn't know where my legs were taking me, my eyes wandered around to look for anything that looked platinum blond and my legs followed. Funny enough I found myself in an alley way and his back was facing me but he knew I was there.
"I didn't expect you to follow me." He said, his back still turned. "Neither did I." I said while walking towards him. "Can you forgive me?" He said so quietly I almost couldn't hear it. "What?" I said back, my voice getting a bit louder.
"Can you forgive me." He said again. He was facing me this time. "How? How could I ever do that?!" I was yelling now. An anger that I was all too familiar with was being released and I didn't care. Hermione was right, I was exploding. "You left me!" I screamed at him. "You left me alone and you think I can forgive you for that?!" Tears pricked the corners of my eyes but I refused to let them fall, he's not worth my tears.
"I didn't expect you to forgive me. Bloody hell you shouldn't even try to forgive me, I don't deserve it. I could never deserve it. But please- please try to understand instead." His voice was sincere and he wouldn't meet my eyes. How the hell was I supposed to understand him leaving me just to fight against me.
"Did you mean it?" I asked. Hot tears still stinging my eyes, begging to fall.
"Mean what?" He questioned.
"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?" I knew that depending on his answer these tears would fall.
"Yes of course I did." He said the words and one tear finally fell, leading the way for more to follow. "I still do."
Hot tears streamed down my face. Hot, angry, and betrayed tears, I couldn't hold them in anymore and I didn't want to. I wanted him to know that he was the reason they fell, that he was the reason I became this way.
"Then why? Why did you leave me?" He finally met my eyes and he saw them, the tears he caused and I hoped it killed him on the inside.
"You wouldn't understand." He practically whispered.
"What? I wouldn't understand the pressure to please parents? I wouldn't understand that I would be disowned from my family if I fought for the good side? I wouldn't understand the fact that people wouldn't accept me because they would think I was just like my pureblood supremacist parents?" I was still crying and now so was he.
He was silent. He knew that I came from the same background as him and he thought that I wouldn't understand? I understood perfectly, but I didn't understand why he couldn't stay, why he couldn't make the right decision, why he couldn't choose to be good.
I couldn't be around him any longer. I needed to move on. I needed to leave.
"Goodbye Draco, don't try and fine me again okay? Please, if you really do love me then don't come find me again."
