September 27, 1978
Whizzer's lying on the bed, cheek bright red and tears flowing from his eyes. My father is the one apologizing now. Whizzer's head rolls to the side and when he sees me, his eyes go wide. Now he's outside of my father's room and has me wrapped up in his arms. We're both crying now. He asks me how much I saw and when I reply "All of it", he starts apologizing again.
I tell him I never want to hear him say "I'm sorry" again and he laughs.
"I don't like how he was talking to you. I don't like what he said," I tell him, and he smiles. He looks sad.
"Jason, I don't think you quite understand what your Dad was trying to do-"
"No, he's not my dad anymore. You love your dad. He's just the man who got my mom pregnant. Nothing more. He's my father," I say. Whizzer puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Jason, your dad loves you very much. How would he feel if he heard you say that?" This made me angry. I didn't want to get mad at Whizzer, though, so I didn't yell and I didn't shout.
"Why are defending him? He hurt you Whizzer! Don't you hate his guts?!" I ask. Whizzer shakes his head.
"Jason, your father and I have a very complicated relationship. He never means it when he hurts me. He loves me too much to mean it," I'm losing my temper very fast.
"God, it's like he has you brainwashed or something! If he loved you, then he wouldn't hit you!"
"Jason, that's not what's going on-"
"YES IT IS! HE'S SO MEAN TO YOU, WHIZZER! AND YOU JUST LET IT SLIDE-"
"Jason! That is quite enough!" My father is standing in the doorway to his bedroom. I'm gonna be sick. I glare at him and then look back to Whizzer.
"Jason, I think it's time for you to go to bed. It's late and it's been an-" Whizzer looks at my father. "-exhausting night."
He looks to me like he wants me to say no, to give him an excuse to stay awake. I begin to walk towards my room, turning around before reaching the door. "Whizzer, can you please sleep in here tonight? I don't want that to happen again." My dad looks mad again.
He looks at my father, who shakes his head. "I'm afraid I can't tonight, Jace. I'm sorry."
If anything, I should be sorry for him. "It's fine," I say. "Goodnight, Whizzer."
I watch my father wrap his arm around Whizzer's waist before Whizzer repeats the phrase back to me, my father leading him back into their bedroom. He looks so scared.
It made me sick.
YOU ARE READING
growing up, getting older; falsettos (2016)
FanfictionJason has kept a diary ever since his parents divorced and writes in it as often as he can. He writes about anything and everything, including his growing concerns that his Dad isn't as nice to Whizzer as he'd like to think. •• Jason's diary entries...
