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美的
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One never hopes for chaos and destruction. Yet, they make it themselves. People destroy themselves just to forage for the happiness they thought they didn't have. The happiness that always stood and being taken for granted. Happiness is a misused, overused word. The concept of it being so far out of reach that depression sinks in. The struggle of trying to find that one thing to stick on to. That one thing that'll satisfy the needs in you.
It's all fake.
It's all just an illusion. The perception of pain creeps in if happiness does not appear. I hate happiness because it is a concept so understandable yet so unforgiving. People need it and want it but can't have it. It's a shame, it really is. The need for it is so extreme, that lives are taken by its own without it.
Happiness pains me because once it's gone it hurts. Seeing other in pain makes me hurt. Their desperate need of happiness, their desperate need in satisfaction.
I really fucking hate being happy. I hate being happy when I know others aren't. I wanna be the source of someone's happy. I wanna be able to make someone's day better, but how can I do that when I know that my happiness is also limited. When i'm also sad. What do I do then?
How do I help when I can't help myself?
It's all about perspectives. One's happiness can be fake, one's sadness can be fake. Everything could be fake.
Yet again, it can all be real. Sadness is real, and it won't go away. Fight it, control it, even if you fall down, get back up again and fight it, because it'll consume you if you let it.
Don't be deceived, don't be a deceiver. Help yourself, help others.
I miss you.
