Broken: Emily's Story

16

 I finally look at him. It takes a lot of effort not to look away again.

Emily, you need to stop this, he says. I can't, I say, shaking my head. Why not? He asks.

I just shake my head. I don't have an answer for him.

Do you like doing this? Is this fun? He asks. He doesn't sound angry. Just sad. Like it hurt him to think that maybe my only friends were the kind that left scars. I look away again.

I can't, I say. Why not? He asks.

Why does it matter? I ask him. Because I care about you, he says. You're my friend and I'm worried about you.

Why? I'm no one, I say. As I say that, I start crying more. I hate crying. Why do I always have to cry?

No, you're not. I know you feel that way, but you're not, he says. I shake my head again. I can't believe him. He sighs.

Come here, he says, standing up. I look at him. I can feel the question mark on my face. Come here, he says. Confused, I stand up. He pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me in a hug. I hug him back.

Better? He asks. I shrug. He lets go and turns his T.V. on. Some show is on. I tune it out and sit back on his bed.

When was the last time you ate? He asks. I shrug. I still couldn't remember. I don't think I ate the applesauce last night.

Have you eaten the past couple days? He asks. No, I say. I haven't been hungry.

You need to eat, he says. I just shrug. It just didn't seem important. He shakes his head and leaves the room. I hear him doing stuff in kitchen.

I lie down on my side on his bed and stare at the poster on his wall. I think it's band. It looks familiar. Maybe I listened to music. I did it to tune people out in school. I was always the awkward one in school. I wasn't a good people person. And then once Ellie died, I stopped listening to music.

Which is how I found out that people were talking about me. After that, everything was really dark for me. I guess that's why I wore darker shit.

And that's how I spent the couple of months of freshman year. Eventually, Eric found me under the tree and we started hanging out. And then we started going out.

And then summer hit and everything got worse.