Broken: Emily's Story

11

The entire way to the cemetery, I keep thinking this is a bad idea. He thinks I'm crazy, talking to a grave. But then again, what did I care? I was used to it, why did it matter now?

A small voice in my head begins talking. Maybe you still like him. And you want him to feel that way too. And you're afraid if you tell him, that he'll shove you away, it says.

Shut up, I tell it. But I knew it was probably right. I was so alone. No friends, my family didn't even care. Was it too much to ask for someone to even kind of care? So what if I wanted someone to care?

But you know they won't. I mean, seriously, who would care about you? You're just an ugly cutter, an eviler voice says. You're a weakling. You can't even stand up to me and I'm just in your head.

Shut up! I tell it forcefully. I knew it was right, but I just wanted it to shut up. Just let me hope for once. I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts.

I look behind me. Eric was staring at me, lost in thought. When he noticed I was looking at him, he smiles and I look away. Why did he smile?

I finally see the cemetery and have to prevent myself from running in. I wait for him at the gate. He catches up and looks at me. I take a deep breath and nod. I go through the gates and immediately feel calm again. I take the same route to her grave as I always do, almost on auto-pilot.

Somehow, we're both sitting on the ground in front of her grave, his arm around me. My face is wet. Am I crying? I bring my hand to my face. Yeah, I'm crying.

After a while, I pull away. I have to go, I tell him. He nods and just looks at me. He looks like he's ready to say something but he just shakes his head and looks away.

What is it? I ask him. Nothing, he says back, not looking at me. A cold sickness sits in my stomach.

You think I'm crazy, don't you? A crazy cutter freak, I ask him. No, I don't, he says. He looks up at me. There's something in his eyes that I can't place.

Yes, you do. I sicken you, the way I cut myself. I pull my sleeves back as I talk, to prove a point. I could feel my pulse quicken. He looks at my arms and then quickly looks away.

You can't even look at them, I say. My voice had become shrill and panicked a while ago. Everything in front of me began to blur from tears. I blink my eyes furiously to get rid of the tears.

Because, it hurts to see you like that, he says, looking back up at me. That same look is in eyes. I finally figure out that it's hurt and concern. He steps closer to me and lifts up my arm.

I'm scared for you. I don't want you to feel this way, he says. His voice breaks slightly. I can't see his face anymore, because he's looking at my arm. I stand there and stare at him, not knowing what to say.

After a while, he looks back up at me. A tear had fallen from his left eye. I immediately feel bad for what I said.

Eric, I'm sorry, I, I start and then I'm interrupted because he's suddenly kissing me. I feel myself tense up.

After a bit, I relax and kiss him back.