Broken: Emily's Story

8

I awoke from my dream, tears streaming from my eyes. I roll over and look at a picture on my desk. Ellie and I are smiling from it. An extreme longing fills my heart and practically tears me apart.

I remember coming home after she died. The house seemed so empty. It was like the house knew she wasn't coming home again and it was mourning the loss of her laughter too. I ran into her room and closed and locked the door behind me. I pulled her favourite stuffed fox into my lap and just sat in the middle of her floor.

I closed my eyes, the tears still falling. I could hear her gleeful laugh as she slid down a huge slide at the park. I focused on her laugh, wishing it to be real, wishing that I was dreaming, hoping she'd run into the room and tackle me.

I sat there like that for so long, I fell asleep there, still hugging the fox. Next thing I know, someone's banging on Ellie's door.

Hmm? I say, sitting up. Ellie's fox falls on the floor. I pick it up and look at it, confused. Why am I-? Oh, I say, and I remember it all.

I shake my head and sit up. I get out of bed and walk across my room. I open my door and leave my room. I walk to the front door, open it, and leave the house.

I walk down the same road I do every day when there's no school. I see the same shops, the same people every time. I reach the cemetery and open the gate. I go through each row of the dead. Their silence calms me.

I find the grave of my sister. And I sit there and tell her about what's been happening, like she's sitting there, listening with her thoughtful silence. Listening like any caring friend should.

And I do that every day, my dead sister's ghost my only friend. And as the days and weeks go by, I add more and more cuts, more and more scars. But not once when I'm sitting by her grave do I cut myself.

Sometimes I tell her about Dad's hitting me. Sometimes I tell her about how each time he beats me up, I just want to join her. How I've come pretty fucking close too. But I stop every time because I don't want to let her down.

And summer passed me by, leading up to school. Leading up to me leaning up against Eric.

And each day I wondered why things had to be the way they were. Why Ellie had to be six feet under and I just wanted to be by her side. Why Drunk-As-Fuck Dad had to beat me up every day, only for me to follow with slicing my skin open every time.

What had I done to deserve this life?