How to be what you're destined to be.

The beginning to happiness

Before I became conscious in this world, I remember absolutely nothing just all black. Then suddenly my thoughts and my emotions came alive. Without any knowing nor understanding of what is before me, being taught in wrong ways, being told that I can't do something, such negativity built up around me from others causing for me to believe that life should be focused around negative thoughts. I was taught to believe that the worst can happen to me, its okay to settle for less. 

The first cognitive stage in my life when i'm five years old I get thrown into schooling around other students, my actions started reflecting anybody who I thought was appealing, social anxiety started to get to me and schooling no longer meant anything to me. In the early of 2,000's is when computers and technology started arising, the older I got the more drama I got fed, teachers started declining in giving out work or actually teaching in a classroom, everything before me had to be taught to me through online, or on a video.

 In some cases it is a great idea but as soon as they make testing rushed, everything has to be timed, you never believe anything is on you. All you're left with of knowledge is about what shoes you saw somebody wearing, or the useless drama people feed into your life during school instead of the actual information you should be learning. I got punished in school before because I told a kid that I was going to get done faster then he did in a test and I was going to get a better grade. I did and then he told the teacher on me and I had to sit out on recess because of the teachers poor decision.

 People fail to look at what is around them, all they care for is a device in front of there face. People start to see others drinking or smoking and you start to think, hey when I am 18 then I can smoke cigarettes, or when i'm 21 I can drink alcohol, as soon as you reach these ages you start going through these stages through peer pressure, then you start believing that anything else can be okay to do just because you're old enough?

In all reality its not, your body is your temple. You only have one life, you were brought into this world for a very special reason, and just because your family before has had other beliefs like believing in God, or Buddhism, or being an atheist, or practically any of the other thousands of religions out there. Doesn't mean that there's is true, its all your decision and nobody can take that away from you. The way that you dress is a part of you, how you like to stand out towards others, dress how you want to dress and never feed into others opinions because as soon as you do that is when you start to lose faith in yourself. 

Everything around you is all your choice, if you're simply unhappy with a situation in your life then change it. But that's way too easy to do, you need to attack your biggest fears and the things that you know are negative in your life. You need to quit anything that is making you sick, unless its weed.

 Because cigarettes are the worst thing to put into your body, its like you're smoking actual poison and being oblivious to the fact that the thousands of chemicals in the cigarettes you smoke every single day for years isn't going to harm you nor make you sick. If you didn't smoke cigarettes then you wouldn't be putting all of that into your body and of course nothing would happen. You are eventually going to get some sort of health issue arising from smoking and your value of life will drop. Your goals, your expectations, your life will all flush down the toilet. 

I started to choose cigarettes over food, started to lose my taste, have my teeth get more yellow, my breathe would smell, and I would feel like absolute dog shit and it wouldn't go away. I started cutting out so many things in my life and neglecting myself that I failed to realize that I was feeling out of it all the time and didn't want to try was because my mind was too focused on when i'm going to have a cigarette.

 I realized that today, and I started to look up disgusting pictures of cigarettes and all of the harmful build up effects, bought myself some gum to chew on and my boyfriend told me that it's okay to just smoke 3-5 a day. Then I told him what I needed to do to convince myself to stop smoking and I needed to cut it off cold turkey and he told me that 'Sometimes going fully cold turkey isn't a good thing though my love'.