The Empty Parking Lot Across the Street

Part 9

*trigger warning*

      In my room, we cuddled under the warm covers and talked to each other like normal people. He grew bored and a bit turned on somehow and tried to get me in the mood... He bragged about having 'magic fingers' which I look back on today in complete disgust. Why would he manipulate me like that? Believe me, I wasn't super comfortable with the idea to begin with. He tried to pleasure me but I was not okay with it at all.

      He wouldn't stop... I said don't, I called his name, I said no, I said stop, but he didn't stop. It was another little game he was trying play on me to look as if we were that close. I hate thinking about the proposal he came up with for me to agree to if I wanted him to stop.

      "You know what you have to do," his voiced echoed in my head.

      I wanted to scream. I wanted it to wake up my dad so Jake would run away from here. I just remember him giggling as if we were a couple who were this comfortable with each other. I refused to do what he wanted, but I had to touch him once for him to stop. I pleaded for it to stop not only because it was making me quiver, but because I hated it! He finally stopped, but left soon. It's almost like he was trying to get me sexually comfortable with him. He wasn't going to stop there...

      "Can you pick me up?" -Jake

      Somehow I let myself see him again. We were parked by a curb on a dark street. He took off my shirt, and worked on my bra next. His fingers found the single button holding the top of the zipper of my jeans together. I wasn't agreeing with his actions in my head, but my body continued to let him do it reluctantly. I became almost limp when I saw his pants come off. This can't be happening, not to me... not with him... I wanted my first time to be with my one and only life-long partner.

      I watched his face, his eyes closed almost the entire time. I couldn't bring myself to believe that he wasn't giving me one moment to even look me in the eyes and ask me for this... He was just going to go through with it and I could tell by his actions that if I didn't say something, it would be too late.

      My muscles tense as I felt his junk to the side of my womanhood. I pushed my hand down to cover myself and said, "hey..."

      He looked at me in confusion and decided to ask me questions. No I don't want to do this. No I don't want this. No, I don't think it's a good idea.

      All he could say is that he thought my actions were telling him to go further. He then tried to convince me into it telling me that he 'knew how to do it so it didn't hurt a lot' (SIDE NOTE: If you are a virgin, it's going to hurt no matter what. I've been slipped this phrase from two different people and I can say it's a bunch of BS. Please stand up for yourself if you don't want to do it! There's a whole list of reasons why other than it's going to hurt, you idiot.)

      I went throughout my week thinking about how I almost got raped. Yes, that would have been rape. First of all, I was a miner and he was not. That is automatically statutory rape. Secondly, I would not have consented to it. I didn't like him touching me anymore. I didn't like the way he assumed it was okay to do something more than what was already going on. I really understood how genders thought differently now.

      He did not apologize. I don't remember getting any sort of apology for that night. He just went on asking me to come see him another time. What did it even mean anymore? Did it mean anything in the beginning? Was history about to repeat itself? I made sure I figured out what was going on between us. He was okay with talking to me about what he wanted it to turn into. I thought I was about to get a boyfriend.

      "I don't think I could be in a relationship and not have sex though," he explained brutally. That disgusted me. I can't believe there are guys like that out there. He continued to babble about how he thought he was addicted to sex and maybe he had a problem, which I agree with 100%, but he didn't try to help himself in any way. He didn't want to compromise and meet me in the middle either. We decided to stop talking about it because I think we both knew that if it ended with us not wanting to become official, we wouldn't continue 'this'.