Bad| Min Yoongi

Idiots and Lizards

I was sleeping peacefully until I was abruptly awoken by what sounded like a dying donkey. I jolted out of my bed after checking the time in my phone and made my way to where I heard the sound come from, pissed about the fact that I was awoken at fucking 5 am. I ended up at the living room and found Hoseok screaming at the top of his fucking lungs on top of the couch while the others were cautiously looking around the living room.

I cleared my throat to catch their attention and said, " Why the fuck are you screaming at the top of your lungs at fucking 5 in the morning!? " Hoseok gave me a terrified look and said, " There was a lizard! A fricking giant ass lizard-" " The lizard is right there hyung! It's right at your feet! " Hoseok was never able to finish his sentence when Jimin interrupted him. Soon Hoseok's screaming was heard again as it echoed throughout the house.

I sighed and walked up to Hoseok who was still standing on the couch. I grabbed his shoulder and threw him to the ground behind me. After hearing a loud thud come from behind me, I took a closer look and didn't see any lizard. " Jimin you fucktard there isn't even any fucking lizard. Stop scaring the fucking idiot and find the fucking lizard. Once you find it, then you can scare the shit outta him. It's more fun when you actually have the real thing, " I said.

I looked up and saw Jimin nodding while Hoseok paled. I took another look around the room and easily found the damned green lizard. It was sitting on the fucking coffee table staring back at me. Seriously? I picked up the lizard and said, " Are you guys fucking blind? It's literally just been sitting here staring back at your pathetic asses. " I held up the lizard to Hoseok's face as he screamed again at the top of his lungs until I heard angry shouting come from upstairs along with thumping.

That was when I noticed that one person was missing. Asian Casper. Yes. I named that pale ass dumbass Asian Casper and there ain't no fucking stopping me. I cradled the lizard in my hand stroking it gently as I watched the said dumbass stomp his way down the stairs. I was closest to the stairs so he turned to me and began shouting. " What the fuck is going on here!? I'm trying to fucking sleep and all I fucking hear is screaming and shouting!! Can't some people get some fucking sleep around here?! "

I shrugged and shoved the lizard into his face and said, " I found the lizard. I was pissed because these dumbasses-Hoseok-woke me up because of a lizard that was laughing at them fail epically, but hey I found a new pet. Meet Fuckoffmyfaceu! "

It was silent for a few seconds as Yoongi and Fuckoffmyfaceu had a glaring contest. Yoongi blinked a few times as a result to getting back to reality and I cheered in victory while holding up my new lizard and said, " Yaas! Fuckoffmyfaceu is the new ultimate fucking champion! " When I looked back at Yoongi he gave me an unimpressed look while I gave him a cheeky grin.

He sighed dramatically and said, " Seriously? A damn lizard is what woke me up? And can you get Fuckoffmyfaceu to fuck off my face? " I shook my head and placed the lizard on his head while saying, " Nope, Fuckoffmyfaceu will be hanging out with you today, and if you even try to get rid of him then I'll slit your throat with my own bare hands. Don't you dare say that isn't possible because I will fucking make it possible Asian Casper. "

I glared at him as a final warning and went back upstairs into a random ass room that was closest to the stairs. I hopped onto the bed and as soon as my fat ass hit the bed I was knocked out cold.

~Timeskip~

I woke up sometime during the afternoon with something draped around my waist along with something scaly sleeping on my cheek. I opened my eyes and pulled the scaly thing off of my face and saw that it was Fuckoffmyfaceu. I glared at him and said, " Okay I know I named your scaly ass Fuckoffmyfaceu but like seriously can you fuck off my face? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep bitch. Understand? " I stared intensely into his eyes and waited until he moved his head in which I accepted as an agreement.

Suddenly I felt something stir next to me. I went all ninja mode and accidentally threw Fuckoffmyfaceu across the room while I judo kicked whatever was next to me off the bed. I heard a high pitched sound and a grunt as Fuckoffmyfaceu and whatever I kicked fell onto the ground. As soon as I realized what I just did I quickly ran to the other side of the room where I threw Fuckoffmyfaceu. I gently picked him up and checked for a heartbeat. When I couldn't feel it I began freaking out.

I quickly ran back to the other side of the room and stepped on something soft as I slammed open the door. The door opened halfway when it got stuck on something. I looked down at the floor and found a head. I pushed the head aside and slammed the door open again while running out the room and down the hall.

I ran around the house screaming for help until Jin finally came from the kitchen and asked, " What's wrong now? " I stared at him intensely while saying, " I accidentally went all ninja and shit and threw Fuckoffmyfaceu and now Fuckoffmyfaceu won't breathe and there isn't any heartbeat. " I gave him Fuckoffmyfaceu and we walked into the kitchen. He placed the lizard on the table and did some random stuff to try and get it to breathe while everyone else came downstairs and into the kitchen to see what the ruckus was.

After a few minutes, Jin sighed deeply and said, " I think you threw him too hard and it basically crushed his lungs and heart which basically killed him in seconds. " I gasped as I heard Jimin speak from behind me. " If you want we can have a funeral for him. " I shook my head and said, " Nah, I don't really care. I was just gonna give him to my mom and dad for an early Mother's and Father's Day gift. "

Jin let out an exasperated sigh and said, " That's not until another like five months. And what was the whole point of going overboard over something so little? " I shrugged and said, " First of all that the whole point of giving it to them early and second of all because I wanted to scare the shit out of Hoseok because he had to know their was a lizard inside the house. Also because I never had a pet before, but having a pet is boring. It was most likely just gonna be eaten by a snake. "

I picked up the dead lizard and teasingly put it in front of Hoseok's face before throwing it into the trash. I hopped onto the counter and sat there while reading everybody's faces. Jin and RM shook their heads while Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook nodded their heads. Hoseok seemed to pale even more thinking about whatever while the Asian Casper seemed to be outraged.

Suddenly said Asian Casper walked up to me and slammed his hands on the counter on either side of me and began shouting. " So you're saying that I was woken up by a stupid lizard, then threatened to take care of the damned lizard, then had the lizard put onto my head, then had to sleep with the damned lizard, then got kicked off my own fucking bed and get a door slammed into my head along with getting my head pushed away all because of a fucking lizard!?! "

The others had scooted their way out of the kitchen and made a run for it is what I was guessing as I heard the front door slam shut right when Asian Casper stopped his ranting. I tried my best to hold in my laugh but failed when I remembered slamming the door open only for it to be stopped by a head, which happened to be his, and pushing it away. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt and tears were coming out of my eyes one by one.

I heard him sigh deeply and ask, " What the hell am I gonna do with you? " I calmed myself down and wiped away my tears and said, " I don't know. What are you gonna do with me hm? " He sighed again and that was when I noticed what position we were in. He was standing in between my legs with his hands firmly gripping onto the marble counter while I happened to have one hand placed on his shoulder that I used to steady myself after laughing so hard.

I wrapped my arms and legs around his body and pushed myself off the counter. Out of reflex Yoongi grabbed onto my thighs as he stumbled back a little, and I slid off him easily. Once my feet were on the floor I looked around and noticed that the others had left the house without anything they really needed. They literally just threw on their shoes and made a run for it. I chuckled and asked,

" What's with idiots and lizards today? "