Lessons Learned

Part 13

I closed the door quietly behind me. For some reason Niall wasn't in his bedroom. I wanted to apologize for whatever I had done last night and make sure we were still okay. I had searched most of the house but I couldn't find him. Where was he?

I noticed that the last door in the hallway was cracked slightly, so I pushed it open and slipped inside. The lights were off, but the curtains were parted, letting in the dim early morning light. Niall was sprawled completely naked across the king sized bed in the middle of the room. The deep rise and fall of his thin stomach told me he was asleep. I knew I shouldn't be there, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. He was perfect.

I hung back, standing against the wall as I studied him. His blonde hair was spread across the pillow, his dark roots hinted at in the morning light. His lashes cast a shadow on his rosy cheeks and the beauty marks I found so captivating danced up his neck and onto his face. The curve of his neck was sweet against the bump of his pillow. His chest rose and fell with every breath and I found myself staring at the simple movement. He made even breathing look beautiful.

My eyes went back up, tracing the sharp outline of his collar bones under the sweep of his silky skin. I marveled at the length and curve of the arm thrown out across the bed. His fingers were curled loosely towards his palm, resembling a blossoming flower. I bit my lip as his hand twitched, causing the vein in his wrist to stand out in relief. I followed the line of the vein back up to his shoulder, awed by the slight definition in his gorgeous arms.

I had always thought of the body as something to hide, something that needed to be covered up because, no matter what, it was just never good enough. But looking at Niall's naked form I suddenly understood true beauty. Everything about the boy was flawless.

My eyes were traveling across his stomach and down towards the sharp V of his hips when I suddenly noticed him stir. I knew I should get out of the room, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was frozen in place as he began to slowly wake.

He rolled over and stretched as I continued to stare. I loved the way the muscles in his arms and stomach flexed and danced underneath the precious covering of his dewy skin. It was absolutely mesmerizing.

He brought one hand up to rub at his tired blue eyes. His fingers danced lazily across his face and I found that simple movement to be one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. My whole perspective had changed now that I had seen him in such a vulnerable and natural state. I had a much bigger appreciation of the simple things.

Niall's intoxicating blue eyes blinked open sleepily and I watched as the recognition of a new day blossomed in his sapphire orbs. All the sudden the windows to his soul flooded with horror when they locked on mine.

Shit.

He reacted quickly, bringing his hands down to cover himself as he sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. His eyes searched desperately for the blankets as he cowered behind his drawn up legs. He looked scared, horrified, and extremely embarrassed.

I knew I should leave now, but I was still frozen in place. Niall's eyes met mine and I could see how hard it was for him to actually look at me. "Get out," he murmured desperately. "Please."

His face broke my heart. His emotions were so easy to read. I could tell that he believed I thought he was ugly. His insecurities were obvious by the fact that he had attempted to hide his whole body, not just his lower half. He thought he wasn't good enough.

"Stop looking at me," he whispered, trying to contort his body in a way that hid everything from my eyes.

I dropped my gaze, focusing on my feet instead. I heard Niall fumbling around and when I snuck a peek through my eyelashes I saw that he had tangled himself up in the sheet as he attempted to cover every single inch of his skin.

I couldn't take it anymore, how could he not see how breathtakingly beautiful he was?

I crossed the room in a few steps and crawled onto the bed with him. He looked up at me in horror again, trying desperately to untangle the sheet from his legs and get it to cover the rest of him. His hands shook and his eyes filled with shame as he struggled to hide himself from me.

"Niall," I reached out and gently touched his shaking hand. He relaxed slightly but still tried to turn away.

I took hold of the sheet that had managed to wind its way around his knees and gently tugged it off his trembling body. I straightened it out and laid it over him, covering him from the chin down. He looked extremely relived now that everything was hidden.

I leaned in towards him, no longer in control of my body. I felt like I was watching from above as my lips gently pressed themselves against Niall's. I wasn't sure what to expect, as I had never been kissed before, nor had Niall shown any signs of wanting to kiss me, so I braced myself for immediate rejection. I was surprised when one of Niall's trembling hands went up to cup my cheek. He kissed me back sweetly, relaxing into me the longer our lips remained connected.

Niall was the one who eventually broke off the kiss, sinking back down onto the bed as he covered his eyes with his hands. I took this to mean he was ashamed of kissing me, so I jumped off the bed and tore out of the room. I tried to stop my tears as I sunk down on the stairs where I had woken up on my first morning in Niall's world.

I couldn't believe I had actually trusted him enough to kiss him. I never got close to people because I knew all they do is hurt you. Everyone hurts you. But there was something about Niall that just drew me in, making me believe that maybe he wouldn't. Who was I kidding? No one cared.

This wasn't much better than living; I needed a way to end my death.