Lessons Learned

Part 17

I could hear the steady plunk of rain on the canvas roof of the tent as I huddled in the cold. I didn't really want to go inside and face Niall, because I knew it would hurt. I had become good at shielding my emotions over the years, but there was something so pure about my feelings for Niall that I couldn't hide them. I wished there was a way I could leave without having to see him again. I didn't want to hurt this way anyone. It was a different way than I was used to hurting and I had to admit it was even worse. I knew people were going to insult me, hurt me, and tear me down. I had grown to expect it. I had never expected to like someone and now that I knew I was losing him it hurt even worse.

"What's wrong with you Annabelle?" I muttered darkly to myself as I pulled the sleeping bag up over my shoulders. "You barely even know the kid."

Was it the fact that no one had ever shown concern for me before that drew me to Niall? Was it his stunning smile, his honest eyes? Was it the lilting happiness of his laugh? Was it the way he made me feel important? Was it just him in general?

I still couldn't tell if it was the boy I liked, or the idea of him. I didn't know a thing about him. I shouldn't feel this way. I was just delusioned by his pretty words and comforting ideas.

My brain tried to unravel the image of the blonde cutie from the sound of his dancing voice. If they were separate in my mind I could go through with this. I would feel as if I was leaving behind an ideal, not a physical person.

And that I could deal with.

"Belly?" Niall's timid voice rushed to my ears, filling my body with feelings I no longer wanted to experience. He carefully joined me in the tent, making sure not to spill the large mug of hot chocolate he was carrying in his left hand. His right hand rested over the top to keep out the rain that was falling steadily outside the small haven of the tent. Niall's blonde hair was matted to his forehead and small rivers of water were running down his face. His soaked polo clung to his chest and revealed every gorgeous muscle in his upper body. I tore my eyes away from his perfection and went back to pretending I didn't care about him.

It was the hardest thing I've ever had to fake.

"Here," he held out the mug to me. "I figured you'd be cold." His hand was shaking as he offered me the hot drink.

"No thank you," I replied stiffly.

Niall set the mug in the corner of the tent before sitting down next to me. He took off his wet shirt, then pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them close to his body. I could see him shivering from the cold but he didn't make an effort to grab the extra sleeping bag.

"You can drink it," I nodded towards the hot chocolate, which had a few white marshmallows melting into the creamy liquid.

"I made it for you," he rubbed his nose. "I'm not drinking it."

I gave him a slight jerk of my head to show that I understood before scooting as far away from him as I could. The pain in his eyes was reflected in mine. I couldn't do it, though. I couldn't stay here and fall for him even more. I needed to leave and forget him before I made any more memories.

"Can you at least tell me why?" his pretty pink lips were turned down at the corners, as if they were too tired to rise into his signature smile. "Why did you pretend to like me?"

"I didn't pretend," I began to pick at the skin where my scars normally resided. "I do like you."

"Then why do you want to leave?" he moved forward and crossed his legs Indian style, our knees touching through the thick fabric of the sleeping bag hugging my frame. "You don't have to go yet."

"I want to leave before I start liking you even more," I murmured. "It hurts less that way."

Niall's hands bracketed themselves on my face, forcing my eyes to meet his. "You won't remember the hurt," his tongue darted out to lick at his lips, "so why not make the most of our time together?"

My eyes dropped down to his perfect mouth. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to hold me in his arms. I wanted to hear his voice whisper in my ear about how beautiful he thought I was. I wanted him to make me feel important. I wanted to lay down with him and spend the rest of my life listening to the beat of his heart. I wanted to hold his hand and never let go. I wanted to be his for the rest of eternity. I wanted to stay in this special place, our body heat warming up the tent as we looked into each other's souls and heard the steady drum of the rain above our heads. I wanted to drown in his eyes and never come up for air.

I wanted him to be real.