Lessons Learned

Part 26

I opened my eyes groggily, trying to figure out why the lights seemed so harsh. My head hurt and the pulse in my wrists was more noticeable than usual. I glanced down towards them; slow recognition forming in my brain as I saw the white gauze wrapped around my arms. I began to recall my unsuccessful suicide attempt in my bathroom that morning. My wounds were still fresh.

I lifted my wrists slightly, turning them slowly as I studied the white bandages. Dangling around my thin left wrist was a braided rope that seemed to be made of nothing more than grass. I didn't remember that being there this morning. I gingerly tugged at it with my weak other hand, noting with surprise that it did not come off. The grass seemed stronger than steel.

A young looking nurse in light aqua scrubs wandered into my room, humming softly under her breath as she placed a vase full of pretty yellow flowers at my bedside.

"Hello," I murmured.

She jumped, her hand going to her heart as she turned to me. "Oh you're awake! That's wonderful. Your parents just ran out to grab a bite to eat, they should be back soon. They'll be thrilled to see you."

I just nodded, suddenly noticing the pounding headache I had. The nurse checked my bandages, then hurried out with one last smile. I dropped my head to my pillow and tried to shake the vague feeling that something even larger than my attempted suicide had happened since this morning. I couldn't put my finger on it, but in the back of my mind, something told me someone important was missing. Someone who I loved.

I shook off the feeling; the only person I had ever loved was my grandmother and she was long gone. It must just be the after effects of attempted death. I decided to focus what energy I had on the mysterious bracelet. I knew that wasn't there when I had brought the razor to my wrists this morning. I was sure of it.

I tried tugging it, slipping it off, and biting it. Nothing happened. It seemed permanently there, though it tasted and felt like normal grass. Eventually what little energy I had wore off and I drifted into a fitful sleep.

My dreams were dominated by a gorgeous blue eyed boy I had never seen before, yet felt like I knew. I had to say I was sorry to wake up, especially since he was leaning down to kiss me as my eyes fluttered open.

I could still feel the presence of my mysterious dream boy as I looked about my hospital room. It almost felt as if he was there with me and I had to admit, it was a nice, comforting feeling. I flipped over, trying to get comfortable in the thin bed as I waited for my parents to get back and I heard a crinkling from underneath me. I reached down and snagged the picture resting in my bed.

It was a computer printout, but I could tell that it was from a long time ago. Or at least the boys in the picture were. Their clothes were so out of date I couldn't help but giggle a bit. And I never giggled.

My eyes searched the photo, marveling at the obvious beauty of the strange boys. They seemed vaguely familiar and it wasn't until I noticed the kid from my dream that I began to get a little freaked out. Who were they? Why was this picture here? And what did the loopy words scrawled across the bottom of the picture mean?

I squinted, trying to read the handwriting.

"Learning our lessons is one thing, living them is another. You were born to fly Belly, so don't let the world hold you down. We love you."

I dropped the picture in a panic. Who left this here? Who were those boys? What did the message mean? Who called me Belly?

A calm settled over me, as sudden as a stolen kiss. Something about the message felt right after all. The more I thought it over, the more I began to believe in myself. I could make something out of myself. Someone out there loved me, thought I was unsure who, and I would do it for them.

I was going to soar.