The Worst Thing You Could Ever Do (Monologue)

The Worst Thing You Could Ever Do

Just the thought of losing him made me burst into tears.
Because losing him was just like losing me.
Neither of us were the best at love,
Neither of us were the best at anything.
There will always someone better then us.
And we knew that,
Because neither of us were perfect.
But that's ok,
Because we were perfect together.
I knew from the start that I wanted to marry him, that I wanted to be a part of his family, that I wanted to have children, to grow old together,
These are all thing I'd wanted for so long, and I never knew if anything could actually happen.
What if something happens with us and I can never get over him,
What if I never feel the same way I feel about him for anybody else,
And what scared me even more, was what if he feels the love I feel for him for someone else,
I never planned on rushing into love.
But in that moment our lips touched, I already knew it was out of my control.
They told us to take it slow but we didn't listen.
And they say that you're gonna get heartbroken but you push it to the side because you think nothing, NOTHING, could ever tear your love apart
But now it's like every other day is different.
One day your holding hands underneath the table,
Another day your making out on basement couches,
And the next your lucky if you are even to get an occasional smile.
There will always be that voice in your head telling you that you brought yourself into this mess, and absolutely nobody could ever know how to fix it.
Stepping back is to hard,
And you just can't risk getting any closer.
So you just stand there, absolutely insane, trying the same thing over and over again, hoping and wishing for a new out come.
And you can't tell what hurts more, letting it out or keeping it held deep inside where not even the devil himself could find it.
Every single night you pray for things to be the way they used to be.
You pray that maybe one day he could learn to love you again.
But nothing makes the pain go away.
Because every time you say that prayer,
The memories come flooding back in
And the tears come flooding back out
Until one day you've cried your last tear,
You've smiled your last smile,
You've kissed your last kiss,
And you've dreamt your last dream,
And even though there's noise all around you,
You are engulfed in the sound of silence
And not even the faintest memories could ever remind you of what it felt like to touch the hand of a person that means that much to you.
Because nobody can make you feel the way he did.
And the last emotion you'll ever get to feel, is emptiness.
Because the worst thing a person could ever do, is leave.