Suicidal- Luke Hemmings.

9

Chapter 9

Calum's pov

I beat myself up over the comment I had made, wishing I had never said anything at all. When I got nervous, I really just jumbled a bunch of words into a sentence. Sitting so close to Ariana made me shake and quiver. I hoped the smile was real, but if you looked in her eyes, you knew it wasn't. Luke shot me a look while Ari pretended to be too busy playing around with the radio. I felt that I had hit a nerve, but I knew bringing it up would make it worse. I just shut up, and gave her room. I looked out the window, hoping my rosy cheeks weren't noticeable.

"Calum," I heard Ari's voice sound from my ear. She must have been calling me a few times, because she almost always calls me 'Cal'.

"Oh, uh, yeah?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Why did she want to know? Did Luke tell her something? Oh, God, she was only down the hall, she heard! A million of thoughts raced through my mind but I tried not to look suspicious.

"Umm... no," I shrugged. "I've been on dates with a few girls, but none of them were really... keepers."

In all honesty, I did want a girlfriend. But I knew I would just have to wait for the right one. I didn't want to rush into anything- my whole life has been sped up recently and I've had no time to smell the roses. It was normally concert after concert, but the band recently had a longer break. We'd be going back on tour in a little less than a month. I dated girls; one red head was a bit on and off until I finally put it to rest. It's not like I went around breaking hearts, though, the feeling was almost always mutual. Neither of us had been putting the strength into the relationship, like we were supposed to. Besides, I didn't really want to try on relationships I didn't want to be in, in the first place.

The only girl I'd ever want was Ariana Queens.

Ariana pov

"You okay, Ar?" Luke murmured lightly, his voice barely reaching my ear.

I shrugged, ripping my eyes off the radio. "Yeah, sure," I said, forcing the smile back onto my lips.

When people ask you if you're okay, they don't expect you to say no. So you just smile and nod, while thinking of jumping off a building. When they ask you if you need help with anything, they mean simply solved stuff. Like assistance with homework, or help with shopping. They don't mean your demons. When they say they're always here for you, by that they mean- if you ever need a ride home, or if you need someone to hang out with. They don't expect to be there when you're sobbing at 2am, pleading for help. Because, the only person who can save me from myself, is me. If you haven't already noticed yet, I am broken. My ribs are chipped and my bones are fragile. I am not a beautiful type of sadness. I am a torn heart; a tired set of eyes. I am a string of 'I'm Okays', and I'm still waiting until I can truly be mended.

Calum almost literally jumped out of the car when we arrived at Nando's. I thought that maybe I was taking up too much space, or that something was wrong with me. I slid out a bit slower, and then shut the door. Paparazzi were already forming. I reached for Luke's hand not wanting to be left in the swarm of people arriving. Luke gripped my hand roughly, knowing what was about to happen. He held me close, guiding me as the entrance began to flood with people. Calum was a few dozen people in front, but I still managed to make out his black hair. L

It was weird, even among all these people, I still felt alone. I felt like no one there really cared about my wellbeing. Out of all the hundred people that were swarming around us, I could only guarantee that one boy wanted me breathing. In all honestly, I wasn't even for sure that's what he wanted, though.