Suicidal- Luke Hemmings.

5

Chapter 5

"Until we start loving each other again."

"You mean until you start loving me again, right?"

After those words left my mouth, we were just staring at each other. Luke's eyes glossed over as he stared at me. I looked away, sobbing into my hands, he tried to come closer but I just stumbled backwards. I caught myself before I fell, pushing passed him and walking out of the room. I was very aware of his close movements, but I reached the bathroom and slammed the door in his face. I locked it quickly, knowing he'd get anxiety over that. He knocked the door a few times and I rolled my eyes, did he really think that I was that big of an idiot? I was not about to open the door so he could apologize. I wanted him to feel like he hadn't made anything up to me, because, well, he hadn't.

I leaned over the sink, feeling sick. I had broken up with the only person who had kept me alive. Sure, he called it a break, but we were never going to be back on again. I moved to the toilet, heaving up my breakfast. I felt sick to my stomach right about now. I washed my mouth out with water, and did a little skim of Ashton's bathroom. I needed to know if he had any blades on the premises. I silently went through the drawers, knowing Luke was probably trying to listen. I glanced up at the mirror, the sight basically ruining my whole day. I sat down against the door and started to cry again. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks in salty lines. I looked like a wreck, no wonder Hannah thought I was a freak. I had like fifty shades of dark circles under my eyes and I looked just absolutely horrifying.

I heard the door knob jiggle lightly and Luke's voice sounded from behind the door. "Ariana, unlock the door." I was silent, besides the loud chatter of my sobs, I said nothing. "Please, please, please, baby," he said, jiggling the door knob more violently this time.

"No!" I cried out, my voice hoarse from crying, "You're not even my boyfriend any more so get the fuck away from the damn door because I'm going to open it for an inconsiderate cunt like you, okay?!" I screamed, hitting the door with a fist.

I knew I couldn't stay there forever, but with all of this screaming, I knew I couldn't go down the stairs right about now. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket and I fished it out. It was Michael, sending me a selfie with a slice of pizza.

Come down stairs, I saved you a piece from the others :-)

I set my phone on the counter and pulled my body up. Tiredness settled into my bones and I felt terribly weak. I splashed my face with cold water, waiting a minute before doing it again. I texted Michael back, hoping his answer would be yes.

Do you think you can drive me to my flat after you eat your pizza?

I really didn't want to be driven home by Luke, and I didn't think Calum or Ashton wanted to do that anytime soon. I didn't get a response, but I thought that maybe he was still eating pizza. I opened the door, Luke practically falling into me.

"Babe, I-"

"Please don't talk to me," I pleaded, trying to avoid his blue eyes, I feared I would melt under pressure and give into his perfection. "Please."

I walked down the stairs, moving the hair from my face. I forced on a smile and took a seat between Michael and Hannah. I still had to act nice to her, I had to act like I hadn't heard her hurtful words. Michael pushed a plate with two slices on it, looking over to me. I just shook my head, hoping he'd get the message, and looked back down at my phone. Luke came down a few moments after I did, looking a bit frazzled. He realized there was no more pizza and gave Calum the puppy dog eyes. I pushed over the plate that Michael had given me, trying to be nice to him. He looked at me, and sighed softly, knowing he couldn't get me to eat this meal. I didn't know whether to feel proud that I had gotten my message through, or sad, because he had finally given up on me. I looked at the people around me, wishing to happy. I just wanted to be normal, to actually act like a real person instead of a shell of one. I guess Michael had seen something in the way I was acting, because he tapped my arm and motioned to the keys in his hands. I said a quiet goodbye to everyone, earning nothing in return.