One of us - Nichorello

25. Tattoo

<Nicky's POV>

"You're crazy" Vause shook her head in disbelief as she examined my left forearm.

"Crazy...mhm...." I said. Crazy about Lorna, I thought. She was the reason behind all of this, all of these emotions, all of this chaos, all of the drama. A few months ago I would have scoffed if someone told me I would get a tattoo because I fell in love with some cute girl.

"Are you gonna show her?"

"Of course not. I still hate her, she's probably sucking Christopher's dick right now," I laughed, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I was hurting.

"I am really sorry, Nicky. I know that she really got to you. Literally," she held my arm closer, looking at my pale skin, which had turned red. It still didn't look like what I had hoped for, but it would. Eventually. 

"So what's your plan?" she asked as we entered the school building.

"I don't know. I don't think I have one."

"You're sure as hell going to need one. So why don't I advise you," she said arching her eyebrows in amusement. "Option one: you ignore her. Option two: you confess that you love her, which is personally my favorite option." she bent down to me, hoping that I would say yes.

"Next!" I yelled while laughing at her disappointment.

"Three: you go back to Old Nicky and start laying chicks."

Honestly, I didn't want to do any of these options. I knew that I wasn't tough enough to ignore Lorna, especially since Vause and Morello have been pretty close lately. On the other hand, I am definitely not going to forgive Lorna after everything she has put me through. 

"I'm just going to see her as a friend, you know? I mean Lorna is going to sit with us anyway, isn't she?"

"Whatever you say"

---------------

My plan was so not working. It had been thirty minutes in one classroom with Lorna and it had taken every ounce of me to not look at her. My hands were gripping the edge of the table, while I was trying to concentrate on the content of Mr. Healy's monotone voice. Unfortunately, his lessons were the most boring ones, making it even harder to resist Lorna. 

"Just look at her," Vause nudged me in the side, rolling her eyes at my stubbornness. I loosened my grip around the table, taking a sip of my coffee as Mr. Healy started to yell at me.

"Nicole! The consumption of beverages in classrooms is strictly prohibited," he said while pointing at me.

"I was just drinking coffee to keep me awake." The class burst out in laughter as I unintentionally insulted Mr. Healy's lessons. Although I wasn't looking at Lorna, I could hear her chantlike laughter in the crowd, causing me to smile.

"You think that's funny?" Mr. Healy said to the class. As he glared at every single student angrily. All of my classmates quickly shut up once Mr. Healy gave them his death glare, only Lorna couldn't contain her giggle.

"Lorna, out!" he yelled as he pointed towards the door.

She shrugged, stepping out the door as if she were glad to exit this room. Suddenly I was glad that I didn't get thrown out by Mr. Healy, because then I would be alone with Lorna, which probably wouldn't end well.

"Nicole, I haven't forgotten about you. Detention for the rest of the week," I exhaled in relief. "And you can join Lorna outside now."

My eyes widened as my fear came true, causing my pulse to race. I heard Vause giggle next to me while she was waving with a smile spread across her face. 

(A/N: Sometimes I like to think of Alex as an evil genius XD!!)

-----------------

Lorna was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees while her head was buried in her arms. She didn't even look up as I stepped through the door, joining her. Seeing her in this state, I felt uncomfortable, unable to think of something to say.

I let myself fall beside her, keeping a secure distance. Hoping that she wouldn't see the tattoo, I pulled my sleeves down. The way she turned her head away from me gave away that she had recognized me.

I looked at my phone, reading: 8:20. We had 70 minutes left before the bell would dismiss us from class.  

The silence between us was filled with tension, which we were both too cautious to admit. I hated this tension between us. When I was left alone with my doubts, trying to figure out a way to make things less awkward. We both were staring at the wall in front of us, both lost in our thoughts, without saying a word. After a few minutes, she pulled out her phone, staring at the time. The display showed her and Christopher together on the football field. She was wearing her cheerleading uniform and holding her pom poms, probably after cheering for the football team. Christopher was standing behind her, his hand on the shoulder of Lorna while his view was focussed on something else. He didn't appreciate her. He didn't deserve her. He didn't even love her.

"He has no idea how rare you are," I whispered without glancing over at her.

"You're always talking about him, but what about you?"

"This isn't about me, Lorna. This is about us," I said, tilting my head towards her.

"People say that it's real if it comes back."

She is still caught up in the thought that I left her, choosing drugs over her. But that's not true. Our relationship isn't about deciding between her and other hobbies of mine.  It is about our chemistry, about this special connection we have. The way I feel when she looks at me, the way her touch sends shocks through my whole body or her smile that makes the world even brighter. 

"I never left, kiddo," I whisper.  

Lorna finally looked at me, her eyes filled with tears.

"I missed you," she whispered.

Normal people would have said 'I missed you too', instead I took these words as an opportunity to see if she really cared about me. For me, Lorna wasn't a game, she wasn't a fling or a crush, she was the one. I didn't expect me to ever say these words, but Lorna is my soulmate and I don't have any doubt about that. I was committed  to this relationship and cared a lot about her.  If she wasn't committed to the relationship like me, continuing this between us wasn't an option.

"When did you miss me?"

"I texted you," she said.

I pulled out my phone, still in denial whether she texted me. Four messages from Lorna, yesterday at 11:30. It must have been in the middle of the night. I could practically see her in front of me.

<imagination>

The darkness enclosed her in her room, making it even harder to suppress the tears. She laid down in her bed, wrapping her bed sheets around her tiny body, hoping for the loneliness to fade away. Unfortunately, the thoughts and memories kept haunting her while she was alone in her room, without anyone to talk to. The phone lit up her room, the brightness of the display blinding her eyes. Lorna looked at a picture of me, while she typed: 'I miss you'.

<back to reality>

Many people would have been happy about this gesture. But for me, this message only contained disappointment.

"When did you write this?" I asked.

"Yesterday"

"You were alone in your room, right?"

"Yeah," she frowned, slightly confused by my interrogation. "What's wrong with that?" she asked as she saw the disappointment in my eyes.

I stood up, looking down at her angrily while praying that the class wouldn't hear our private conversation. 

"I don't want to be the person you miss at night, when you're alone, craving the presence of another." I paused shortly, "I want to be the person you miss in the day when you're surrounded by others, but you'd rather be alone with me"

Her eyes looked down to the floor and they spoke all the truth. She didn't really love me.