The Children Who Play In The Meadow

CHAPTER NINE.

PEETA'S POV.

It has been nearly four hours and still no news from the doctors, in the other room I hear the sound of muffled cries. It must be Katniss. But this time I am unable to help her. My brain starts to fuzz and I know what is going to happen: Flashbacks. 

"Katniss! Get out of here! You have to go!" I yell, frantic. I hear her footsteps running towards me. She knows what is happening, too. She is so stubborn, won't leave my side for a second. 

"Peeta, calm down. It's okay, you're okay. Shh." She says, drawing circles with her palm into the small of my back. But this time, it's no use. 

"Katniss- Katniss you have to- have to go." I say between breaths with clenched teeth. "Go to Haymitch, please." 

"I love you," she tells me, quickly grabbing all sharp objects within reach, just incase I decide to hurt myself. Or worse, someone else. 

Just as I hear the door slam shut behind me, my body starts to shake, memories blur and spin in my head, I stumble my way around the house, heading toward the bedroom. I need to lie down.

This has only happened a handful of times since I was reunited with Katniss all those years ago, but it is terrifying.

I focus on my breathing. In, one, two. Out, one, two. But I can't force myself to shut out the horrifying thoughts swirling within me. 'Katniss is a mutt. Do not trust her. She tried to kill your family. She is the reason they are dead. She tried to kill you, Peeta.  She is the reason District Twelve will be nothing but ashes forevermore.' I hear President Snow's snakelike voice ring in my mind, almost smelling the blood that once salivated his tongue as he spoke.

I am so angry. Inside I know that what I am thinking is wrong but at the same time believe every single word. I hate Snow for that.

But most of all, I hate myself for it.

The next three hours consists of pacing, muttering, yelling and punching various objects within reach. It's like the real me is inside and thinking rationally, but on the outside I am nothing but a puppet, forever going by Snow's games. Games of life. Even though he was killed over fifteen years ago.

Pathetic. You, Peeta Mellark, are one pathetic son of a bitch. You should be ashamed.

I think these words over and over again, constantly.

________________

A/N

Okay hey guysssss

I have had a fucking shitload going on so I apologise greatly for not updating like ever, honestly I really want to.