You Can't Break Her

Chaoter thirteen: part eight | November

November 2003
Bayhollow, Ontario

Before high school, I hung out with my next door neighbour and class mate, Pricilla. We walked to our bus stop every morning, we would replay full episodes of televisions shows for each other, that we watched the previous night. She would tell me about 'That 70's Show', because I had never seen it and wasn't overly interested in television.

Many of my nights were spent reading my oversized thesaurus, which might have weighed ten pounds. I preferred my own company to that of anyone else, I wrote poetry and listened to angsty Christian rock.

Pricilla and a new neighbour girl, Rachel, started ignoring me and giggling when they saw me. They were academically trumping me but, I wasn't feeling the confinement of the classroom and the constant structure frustrated me.

I moved past their drama and returned to a more friendly and accepting group. I started hanging out with Annie and Renee. I was more interested in a darker and more guy oriented bunch.

Pricilla was concerned about grades and school, I was fascinated with boys. I wanted a boyfriend, I needed more validation than she would ever be able to offer, it worked out for the best.

Annie came over one night, and said she wanted to introduce me to some people she hung out with at her school. It was dark out when we left to meet her guy friend, Mark. He was waiting at the entrance of a path, on his bike. It was so dark that I would not be able to remember the directions in the light.

I had never been out to the edge of town, which was only a ten minute walk away from my house. We got to an open field and he led us through another path. We popped out at a little house that was at the end of a dirt road.

We met his sister, Shayla, her boyfriend, Arthur on our way in as they went outside to make-out. Mark walked down the stairs and over to the heater to warm his hands. "Oh yeah, Joseph, these are for you." He tossed a pack of smokes to a man who was seated on the couch.

Joseph sat with his ankle resting on his other leg. His arm over the back of the couch and his elbow propping him up on the arm cushion. "Thanks, man." He saluted and put them in the inside of his coat.

"Oh this is Annie and Ama." Mark gestured to us, she had moved closer to him and I was still standing awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs. "Annie and I met at school." He gave her a hug. "Ama goes to the catholic school on the other side of Bayhollow."

"No way, man!" One guy gasped. He was so stoned that I thought he was asleep until now. "Names, Tony. I go there too." He grazed his fingers over mine instead of the handshake I had gone in for.

A hand appeared and I turned.

"Devin." His voice was near melodic, his green eyes drew me in.

"Nice to meet you, Devin." I shook his hand, and blushed from the intense eye contact he was trying to achieve. "I need a smoke." I turned and ran up the stairs before finding out if anyone wanted to join me.

The outside was partially lit up. Along the side of the yard was a row of snowmobiles. I paced slowly, exhaling puffs of smoke that swirled, and entwined with the light multitude of snow flakes. The sparkle and glitter of each flake was calming, a beauty in the dark. The chilly breeze froze my fingers but it was worth the discomfort to rebel in anyway.

The door opened, and everyone filed out into the driveway. Annie was blushing, and Shayla was verbally harassing Mark about something.

"You're in love..." Shayla teased him.

"Shut up!" He shouted through a smile. His cheeks turned red just like Annie's and they both looked at the ground and separated.

She walked over to me and giggled. "He kissed me." She was in disbelief. "Right there, in front of everyone."

I was similarly shocked because she had only mentioned him once or twice in the past two months. "His sister is going to harass him for life about that." I laughed and searched my pockets for a lighter for the smoke I had let go out.

"Need a light?" Joseph weaved through some people and held the flame up for me. "I'm Joseph. Ama, right?"

"Thank you." I took a puff. "Yes, Amaris or Ama. You choose." I smiled and tried not to cough on the chilled air that was freezing my lungs.

He laughed. "What do you do for fun?"

That was a loaded question and I barely had an answer, I very rarely did the same things because I got bored easily. "I hang out with, Annie and some other girlfriends."

He raised a brow. "Girlfriends, eh?"

"Friends that are girls." I laughed it off. "You know what I mean."

He smiled and put his arm around me. "I do know what you mean. I think I like it."

I would have curled into a little ball and rolled my way back home if I knew the directions and if my body would respond to my brain. "Oh do you, now?" My inner flirt took over.

"I do. And I think we could have some fun," he whispered in my ear.

My heart fluttered at the physical contact, my brain instructed me to run. I was frozen stiff with only trampish words to offer him. I needed to take control, and not let this situation escalate, as it appeared it might. "We'll have to wait and see, won't we?"

I grabbed Annie's arm and lead her into the basement where Shayla and Arthur were seated on the couch. I brought her to the back room and relived the conversation that had just taken place between Joseph and myself.