You Can't Break Her

Chapter sixteen: part six | March

March 2006
Bayhollow, Ontario

I was talking to a classmate one day, before it was common knowledge that I was pregnant.

She cocked her head to the side and looked me over from across the desk. "I heard you can't have hot baths while you're pregnant because it can be too much for the baby."

I laughed. "That's unfair. It should be left to personal choice, if I want to cook my baby, I'm gunna cook my baby!" I raised my arm and made a sassy swerve with it. "Ain't no body gunna tell me what to do!"

The girls smile turned to a tight lip, her eyes widened and she looked between me and behind me.

I think my heart stopped for a second. I held my breath and turned to see the sporty-looking female teacher standing behind me. We must have been spitting images of one another. Her jaw was dropped, just as mine had when I realized what was happening and we stayed motionless and voiceless for a few seconds.

The teacher took a deep breath, that seemed to recovered some of her words. "Are you—" She flinched from the realization. "Are you pregnant?"

"Yes. I'm moving too." It was known by a few but no one would be wearing a sandwich board to announce it or throwing me a parade. It's such a shamed condition, it's apart of the human condition and not a mistake or something to be angry at. Life goes on as it should, regardless of our reactions in the moment.

The teacher was uncomfortable and I wasn't looking for an interrogation. "Maybe I'll be back, who knows?" I laughed and turned back to the other girls at my desk.

Everyone I had ever met at school was a buzz about it, or at least that's how it appeared to me. We were getting through our exams and trying to survive. I was answering a lot of questions because curiosity can be contagious.

I got my yearbook and it was signed by as many people as I could find. Not that I had made lasting relationships with anyone.

The pity in the eyes of my teachers, when I handed in my midterms was not pleasant. I was assured passing grades with those looks but with every passing day it was like I was being shipped off to be killed. Life as I knew it was going to change, However, I had no idea how much.

___________________

When I got home that evening, my mom and dad were waiting for me. They were seated next to each other. "We need to talk."

My head felt light and I braced myself on the counter. I knew they wanted me to sit in the chair opposite of them, but I wasn't prepared for this with everything going on. "About what?"

My sister pulled into the driveway and she walked up next to me. "I got your message. What do you need to talk about?" She pulled out a chair and sat down.

I did as she did, out of routine. Not because I had accepted that this sit down wasn't something I wanted to be apart of.

"We are selling the house," my mom announced.

They were smiling, this decision made them happy. It made me want to be sick, I couldn't guarantee it was just the conversation, but I'm pretty certain.

They explained that my mom got an offer from a different company, in a city six hours from where I was moving. They took the job offer and found a house and they were finalizing purchase on it soon.

My selfish teenage mind wanted to scream and destroy everything, but I knew it wasn't my place. I had wanted this, but it was the house my dad built and my home for ten years. It was the longest permanent residence, I had ever known.

The world was spinning, and I was laying flat on the ground because it had already knocked me down so many times. I could no longer stand up to it, I was only able to watch it go round.