PRETENDING

CHAPTER THREE

Mark 

Loud music and sweaty over energetic people surround me. I push my way through the sweaty people and flop down in the black wooden chair in front of the bartender

"WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU?" he yells in order for me to hear him over the loud music 

"THE STRONGEST THING YOU GOT"

"COMING RIGHT UP"

I smile at the bartender as he places a vodka shot in front of me. I drink one after the other without really counting how many I have taken. Since I tend to come go out every Friday and weekends , my alcohol tolerance is high. Usually I come here to have fun but today I just want to forget everything and everyone. 

People say that alcohol does not really helps you forget but that it actually makes you sadder and stuff, but I don't care. I just need to not recall things for a while. Things used to be so easy back then and worrying was foreign to me, but recently that's all that my life is full of.  Its strange really, I have everything that I can possibly want and don't want, I have everything yet something is missing. But my life style and the type of people that surround me don't allow me to find the right person to date. 

The bar tender glances at me worriedly, I smile at him and get up. I pull the girl that has been staring at me for the past twenty minutes and begin dancing with her. At first she is shocked and timid but as the song progresses she loosens up and  presses her body closer to mine. 

Her body is extremely warm and very thin , and soft. She has red hair and a lot less make up than the girl from the blind date. Her eyes are of a beautiful shade of blue and her lips are small but plump. When she trips on her own feet, making her crush into my chest, the most beautiful sound leaves her mouth as she laughs. Its a sound close to be being angelic. Her face lights up and her beauty enhances. I laugh along with her and continue to dance with our bodies leaving no space between.  She stares at my eyes as she leans closer and I let her press her ruby red soft lip press against mine. 

The kiss becomes more passionate and disparate. It has been long since I have kissed someone. she breaks the kiss and pulls me to the exit of the club and I let her guide me. I don't usually allow it to go further than a kiss but tonight I think that this is what I need. Just what a need. 

⚜⚜⚜⚜

Pushing away from the warm tiny body next to me, I sigh in relief I did nothing that I regretted.  Putting my shoes back on, I check if anything is missing, looking around for any belongings, I walk out the hotel room.  

I'm glad nothing happened between us, it is not because she is ugly but because if i were to sleep with someone I would like for that person to have a place in my heart or at least that there was something close to affection between us rather than just lust and desperation. 

Once in my car, I pass my right hand through my hair harshly. I need to stop going out to clubs, specially when I'm alone. Yesterday, I   was lucky that nothing more than kissing happened but next time I would not be so luck and would probably make a decision that will affect my life negatively. 

I drive with one of my favorite songs in  full blast. I park the closest spot next to the clinic. Taking two deep breaths, I get out and walk straight to the receptionist. 

"Hello, how may I help you?" the receptionist asks while typing away in her computer 

"I would like to get tested"

"Please fill this form out and once completed the doctor will see you"

"Thank you"

I fill out the paper work in no time since this is not the first time that I have done it, the only different thing is my name. I always use a fake name because I can't have the press know about me getting tested. 

I get tested every time I do something with a girl, even if it just holding hands. I don't know why I get tested  so many times even if nothing happened, but I don't think that there is nothing wrong with it. Is better to be extra cautious rather than not be and latter found out that you have something that is far too advance to get treatment or get cured. 

Two hours latter, I'm walking into my penthouse discarding my clothes as I go. I know that I shouldn't  to that since my housekeeper would have to pick them up, when I could easily just place it the the laundry room but I just can't wait to get out of this clothes, shower, and go back to bed. 

After my shower, I curl in bed wishing that this feeling would disappear. The feeling of exhaustion and shame. Shame from worrying my mother, and exhaustion from having to pretend that having cameras around me capturing my every move does not bother me and that hanging out my so call friends that only want me to pay for their stuff does not bother me. Pretending is something that I am very familiar with since that's the industry that I work for  but it gets tiring sometimes to the point of me wishing that I never became a designer and model in the first place. 

In these four months of the new year I have been forced to move eight times because of fans that keep following to my house after I get out from work. I don't mind taking pictures with them when I meet them on the streets but having them come to  my house and actually knocking to get to see me is exhausting and bothersome. Its like they don't realize that when I am home I want to relax and not continue to take pictures and answer questions. 

"Mr. Tuan, Your mother is on the line" my house keeper says from the other side of my black wooden door 

Groaning I get up to take the phone, "Thanks, Miss Jean"

She nods and leaves right away. 

"Mother?"

"Mark, what is going on with  you, why are you acting like this"

"Mo---"

"I don't want to hear excuses Mark! You need to start thinking about you future. You are twenty five! "

"Mother I---"

"If you don't want me picking people for you you to date, then find someone and fast you are not getting younger and nor am I. I want grandchildren.. You hear me boy!"

"Yes mother"

Thank you for reading :)