PRETENDING

CHAPTER SEVEN

MARK 

It was weird how after a night of deep conversations we were acting like childhood friends, or even lovers.

Lovers.

That such a strange word applicable to any gender. It's strange for it having to meanings: one being a person you just fool around with and the other being the person you love and have yet to marry.

A lover, I have never had that and never wanted one. I have never had the urge to have someone special in my life other than my family. Physically, I go get urges but I just ignore it, besides you don't need some else for that anyways. Emotionally, well, I never really had the time even if I wanted one. Looking for someone to spend time with in your own time is so tricky and bothersome. Like you have to find the person that knows how to differentiate feelings for attraction if you only want the physical part, but if you want the emotional part you have to work extra hard to find someone who will want you, just for you and not for your money and name; and man, that's close to impossible.

Suppressing all those thoughts of lovers and what not, I try my hardest to focus on my current conversation with my mother

"...this is why I need you to find a wife soon. Mark, you are the only one that can keep passion in out last name, please don't let me down and choose a wife already"

Looking up from my drink I stare at her dead in the eye, "Mother I will choose someone to whom I'll spend the rest of my life with, but it will not be through these useless dates."

"Mar---"

"No mother, we cannot keep doing this. I don't want to keep meeting these women that rehearsed everything in order to pass my suppose list of requirements that I don't have but say I do in order to see whether or not they are being themselves or not. They are only there seated in the seat in front of me to see whether they can get to be called Misses Tuan, to have that famous name, but not actually be my wife mother, when will you understand that!"

"Mark! They are lovely woman that have seen you grow up and just because you are successful does not mean that that's all they see you for. Honey you need to trust people more. Besides if you keep this up you might as well become---"

"Mother do you by any chance remember Park Jinyoung?"

"Of course, I do, he was your college roommate and you encounter him often during your blind dates, but why---"

"He and I have kept in contact after college, and the blind dates since he has them as well made it easy to see each other often. We have become closer than I have been with the other people in my life"

"Why are you bringing him up. Mark, I'm glad you found a person you are close to as a friend but---"

"Mother, when I'm with him its like I can be all the versions of myself without judgement, without restrains. I can be me. Mother he makes me feel calm and accepts me for who I am, what I am. We live different lives, yet we meet somewhere in the middle where we can both express ourselves and---"

"What are you saying, Mark?"

"Mother, I well... um... If I were to choose someone with whom I'll be okay to date and maybe even marry it would be him, mother"

I gulped as her hand made contact with mt left check

"I'll pretend that we never had this conversation and I'll be expecting you next week for my charity event with a date of your choosing if not I'll be providing you with one Mark" with one last hard stare, she walks out the small café with one of the teen waitresses looking after her with fear in her eyes