Undress. We need to talk (Otayuri AU)

Chapter 5: The undeniable truth

"I love you, Yuri..." the Kazakh said yet once again as he gently stroked the smaller framed male's hair, kissing the top of his head with long breaths in and out, the sound of his breathing calming for the teenager, as the air releasing from the other man's lungs was hitting his golden locks so tenderly. But he wasn't going to let himself be fooled for a second time by the same person, not with the same trick, not with the same words, not in the same situation. This was way too similar to that moment the two of them shared under the lanterns of that one long lost St. Petersburg boulevard, back when their hearts were so full of that overwhelming feeling of peace because of just one moment shared on a bench, a moment other would forget in time. But not Yuri. It was dear to him, and the pain in his chest at the memory, at the similarities between his memories and his moment he was currently living, it was too much for him. He couldn't accept it. He couldn't accept the same tenderness from the man who deceived, betrayed, hurt and humiliated him. So just like a Phoenix raising up from the ashes, he could feel his strength and will power coming back to him, in doses that he didn't experience for two years. He pushed out of Otabek's grip, looking him dead in the eye, saying "Then why did you do it?" He said promptly, firmly, nothing like the putty in the Kazakh's hands that he was not just long ago. He wasn't going to let himself be controlled by his kindness ever again. Because underneath that façade he is displaying, there is still that cheating bastard who broke his heart, his trust and made him completely lose his faith in humanity, the trust he once had completely gone.

"Y-Yura why are you bringing it up at a time like th-" the tanned man started to say, but was shortly cut off by a much louder voice, clearly not what he was expecting from the boy who was in his arms clinging into him just moments ago. "Don't! Change the subject." The Russian beauty said before approaching him again. "Answer me! If you love me, why did you do it?!?" He spat out before the Kazakh smiled gently, his hands reaching out to caress Yuri in an attempt to calm him down. "Yura, baby, come on, you know very well that I love you, it wasn't just me ok you know how Mila is, she's always been flirty by nature-" The sound of a hard slap could be heard echoing through the walls. Silence. Otabek was in such a state of shock he didn't dare say a word, his cheek getting red from the hard slap he just received from the other man, anger visible over the teenager, and yet he seemed to maintain such a calm manner, how come that he could be so calm when he had so much anger building up? This stiff and tense silence has been dragged on like this until Yuri felt calm enough to speak. "And here I thought I was the pathetic one." The Kazakh blinked in surprise at the words of the Russian. Why would he say that? What does that even mean? Was Yuri really not feeling anything for him anymore? Was he just keeping him there to remind him of his poor choices in life? The tanned man opened his mouth to say something but all he could get out was a "Yura, I-" before he was all-so-rudely cut off again. "No, don't even bother, you have no way around this one, Otabek! 'She's flirty by nature'? Otabek you were trying to place the blame on the girl who you deceived and humiliated, the girl who put her trust in you, the girl who believed in you! You used her for your own sexual pleasure, lied to her every single day and on top of that, you are trying use her as an excuse to slack off and get yourself cleaned up if possible! You have no idea how pathetic you are right now, really. If you were going to place the blame on me, that is one, but you are trying to sell me all that bullshit, trying to blame a girl that I've known for longer than you have, a girl who supported you and loved you, I pity you, really. How much lower can you get? To try and clear your name by involving someone who was supposedly important to you, at least a bit." Yuri's glare was cold and unforgiving. That is the moment Otabek knew, his shield was back, his walls built back up again. He never wished for this. He was always so eager to have sex that he never even considered that maybe, just maybe, one day Yuri will no longer be emotionally available, knowing fully well he had that covered. Or so he thought. And now everything seemed lost, he couldn't help but clench his fists and grit his teeth as Yuri watched his every move. "What? Not gonna say something? Aren't you gonna guilt trip me again? Tell me I don't truly love you? Tell me I should listen to your part instead! Telling me this isn't all just an excuse? Do you have. Any. Fucking idea. Just how much it hurt to hear that back then 'If you loved me, giving yourself to me wouldn't be a problem.', 'You are being such a kid, whining about your precious virginity, grow the fuck up.', 'Are you really in love with me? Cause it doesn't seem like it to me.'. You were guilt tripping me with no shame whatsoever while you were out fucking another woman. How dare you? Tell me, how dare you!" Each and every word that came out of Yuri's mouth pierced through Otabek's heart and felt like knives thrown at him all at once, so fast, so rough, no mercy. This boy knew no mercy. The Kazakh's features softened, as he said in a fainted voice "If you truly loved me, you wouldn't be saying that to me, you know...?" The tan man said, and that was enough for Yuri's calm manner to completely transform in the storm that Otabek saw coming for him eventually. "Of fucking course, here we go again, did you hear any of the things I just said?! I am so fucking done with you, yeah, I love you, so fucking what? Do you think love comes the way you see it in movies? Fuck no, there is never a perfect love, there can be a drop of hate, heartbreak, there are so many things which you fucked up on, and you know I'm right, I just don't guilt trip you for those. Because I was too busy feeling like shit, and actually believing that the problem was in me all along and you never wronged me."

For some reason, Yuri's words really got to Otabek, opened his eye like he finally saw something he had never seen before, like this self pity he was drowning in was finally gone and replaced with the realisation of just how bad the situation at hand was. "Alright, yeah, I fucked up big time..." the Kazakh said, slowly approaching the other male. "No shit, Sherlock." The blond beauty said as he felt a hand brushing against his arm, jerking away from "Don't touch me." Yuri said coldly, but he couldn't help then feeling in his stomach at the tender touch. "Please, Yura... Let me make it up to you..." the tan skinned man said, as he was pulling Yuri into his arms, the blond teenager lightly pushing into his chest in an attempt to get away, but not really putting a serious fight into it. "No, I don't need you to make up for it." The Russian Fairy said, his face looking away from the man in front of him, but still in the tanned skinned man's arms. "Please, Yura. I don't want to lose you." His lover said, and he felt his knees getting weak. But he had to pull himself together, he couldn't give in this easily. "You didn't think of that when you were shamelessly fucking Mila in our house, in our bed." He once again said in a cold tone. But then the Kazakh used his weakness against him. "Please..." Otabek whispered into his ear, as he started placing kisses down his neck. God damn that man, he knew that his sweet whisper, his husky voice, that pleading, almost sincere tone would always work, always get Yuri weak in his knees, always have him at the tip of his fingers with that trick alone. Yuri let out a few protesting sounds, but other than that, he couldn't fight it. He wanted him. He loved his lips against his pale, translucent skin, he loved his hands caressing his body so tenderly, he loved those sweet nothings he would be whispering into his ear, he loved everything, he couldn't resist his lover's charm. He had too much of an influence on him.

So here he was. Laying on the bed, his lover on top of him, his shirt long gone and those soft lips tracing kisses all over his chest. He loved it. Every second of it. He hated himself for loving it. He hated himself for giving in. But it was too late to turn back now. Because once he gave in, there was no way for him out of it. But Otabek... His hands felt so loving over his body, his lips so tender against his skin, his gaze so soft upon him. As the tan man took off the pants of the man laying in front of him, he took a moment to gaze upon the bare body in front of him. "You're beautiful..." He said to Yuri like it was such a realisation, like he just now saw how beautiful, gracious, delicate and fragile he actually is. He placed one of the Russian's legs over his shoulder, kissing his lover's inner thigh. Yuri, on the other hand, was a panting mess. He didn't even dare to moan, too scared he might ruin that comfortable silence in between them, that safe space that he had for once in his life. And that is the moment when he felt Otabek's member penetrating him, earning a cracked moan from the boy. His breathing was going crazy, his heart was beating as loud as the thunder and his head was spinning. Was he insane? Was he falling for the same man he so desperately wished to hate? As his lover pounded into him, he couldn't help but move his hips in sync with the man who was thrusting onto him. Soft moans and gasps left Yuri's lips and, just the sight of that gentle smile made him moan slightly louder, the feeling of love and sexual pleasure mixing together, for the first time in forever actually feeling like his body was being loved rather than used. It was what he always wished for, that loving gaze, those gentle hands, the way his lips were kissing his body. He couldn't help it anymore. He wanted to hold Otabek. With shaky hands, he reached out to wrap his arms around the Kazakh's neck, burying his face into the crook of his neck, soft moans muffled into his shoulder. The synchronized moves of the two, the overwhelming feeling of comfort and safety, their hearts beating as one... It was so much to take in, the scenario was surreal to Yuri... and maybe that was partially because of his broken heart, but mainly because of how discordant that one moment of intimacy was from all the other times they had sex... He liked to believe that maybe... Just maybe... This was the first time when they were truly making love.