Undress. We need to talk (Otayuri AU)

Chapter 4: About broken trust and broken hearts

[[TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM]]

". . .What...?" The Kazakh asked in confusion. He couldn't believe his own ears, his lover talked to his affair? Why? When? How? For what? There were so many questions floating through his head right now and he had no answer to them, he had no idea what was the Russian planning, why exactly did he do this, why he would keep in touch with someone he was supposed to hate. With a flustered voice, the tanned man asked "A-and what did you two talk about?" But the boy couldn't help but feel even more tears rolling down his cheeks, but this time, out of anger. How could anyone ask such a stupid question at a time like this? "About the weather outside Otabek WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR WITH HER, WHAT ELSE COULD I FUCKING TALK ABOUT WITH A GIRL WHO IS FUCKING CRYING ON A CHAIR ABOUT A BASTARD WHO WAS CHEATING ON SOMEONE ELSE WITH HER?" Yuri yelled, sitting up and looking directly at the man with a death glare and his jaw clenching because of how oblivious this man was about the damage he had caused. Oh God just how he wished he knew everything he did while he was away. "YOU DECIEVED THIS POOR GIRL AND TRICKED HER INTO LOVING YOU BECAUSE YOU KNEW SHE HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU ALREADY, SO YOU USED HER FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL PLEASURE, CHEATED ON ME AND BROKE MY FUCKING HEART AND LIED DO HER AND BROKE HERS AND NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN STUPID OBLIVIOUSNESS I HAD TO CLEAN UP THE MESS THAT YOU, YOURSELF, LEFT BEHIND!!! DO YOU REALISE JUST WHAT THE FUCK YOU'VE DONE TO HER? WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME?" the teenager was shaking in anger, struggling slightly to breathe because of the overwhelming anger and range that went through him. He looked over to face a speechless, flustered Otabek. "I-I-I..." the Kazakh tried to say something about this particular statement, but nothing came out. "Thought so." The teenager gritted his teeth before he got up placing a red velvet robe around his body to protect it from the cold that might be felt because of the temperature difference that could be quite noticeable while out of bed, trying his best not to shiver even more than he already has, both because of this feeling of hurt and betrayal and anger towards the one person who stated he loved him unconditionally. But, ever since he heard and saw what he have seen in the past, there was no doubting it... They were all lies... all of them... He never truly cared... He never truly loved him... He was just making empty promises, he was seeing him just as a little crush while he waisted two years of his life standing by his side, and never once even thought of anyone else but him... He felt tricked... This man fooled him and it was right under his nose... But he always failed to see it... Or maybe he was just pretending he didn't see... Maybe, deep down, he knew that before he even saw it for himself. But he didn't WANT to believe it. He just hoped and prayed to the gods that it was all in his head... But no one can keep their eyes closed forever... No one can be forever oblivious to something that is long dead... And yet... Why was he so desperate about keeping his own lover? Maybe because he was everything he had the moment... everything he cared about... He wanted to hate him with all his heart... But he couldn't... because he loved him so much... Soon enough, the teenager ran out the room, hearing an all so familiar voice yelling "Yura, wait!" but of course, he wasn't going to. He wasn't stupid. He would never let him witness everything he was about to do, everything he did until recently, everything he would do every time Otabek would be away, just fucking another woman behind his back. He finally arrived to the bathroom, stumbling through the door, his eyes blurry from the tears and his blond locks in his face, covering his red, puffy eyes as he placed his hands over the sink, leaning against it. He looked in the mirror and once again, he couldn't recognise himself. It was nothing like he used to be. He was everything he promised himself he would never be. He let out a shaky breath, opening the drawer from under the sync, taking out a tiny blade. God, he haven't placed a hand on THOSE for quite a while... But he sw that coming... He knew that, eventually, he would have to return to his one and only escape, this one little blade, this thing that was supposed to take away his pain, and even his life if lucky. He could still remember how it used to end up in his hands after numerous fights and hurtful words that pierced through his heart.