Vent

Thoughts of the Future

I'm a high school freshman and my friends and I were recently assigned projects where we create time capsules of freshman year to open when we graduate. We all decided we would write letters to each other, you know, basic friend stuff. 

So I got to thinking about what I would write in all of their letters. And then I began to think about the possibility that I may be dead by then, whether it be by suicide, a car accident, or some other cause. This led me to wonder about how my friends would react to reading letters from their dead friend. I thought about them crying, knowing that I should have been there next to them as they opened that letter. I thought about them visiting my grave and wishing that wasn't the only place they could talk to me. I thought about how my death would affect those around me.

I realized that there are people that care about me, even if sometimes it really doesn't feel that way. I realized that my death would have an impact. No matter how small or brief, my death would have an impact. It will affect people differently. My mother would never move on, my best friend and my siblings would struggle to deal with it for the rest of their lives, my close friends would hurt for years. Even those who aren't incredibly close to me would be pained by my death, by my absence, my exit from the world before my time. 

The impact I speak of now will be a result no matter who you are. If there is anyone in your life, they will care. There are times where death seems like the only option: when your pain and suffering are so great you feel you may never recover, when you're at a stage in your life when it seems there is no recovery. But I promise you, death is not the only option. It may seem like the hardest thing in the world to stay alive and fight through your current darkness, but I promise you that it is only current. There is always going to be a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far it may seem.

I know I am young. But this does not diminish the impact of what I've gone through and learned from it. My words may seem like wishful thinking now, but I promise you I speak from experience. All you must do is stick it out. Hang around and you'll see what happens. I have fought my darkness and surrounded myself with people that bring light to my life. 

It may seem difficult now, but everyone deserves a chance to be happy. But if you die now, you will lose your chance at happiness. I promise you this: death is not the answer, and no matter what you may think there will always be someone who cares. 

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