Darkness of the truth

Chapter - 4( The Reason)

Two years has passed after that night. I am 7 years old now. After that night I had learned to feel and understand everything. I know the age of 6or 7 is not enough for understand all kind of situation, but I could. I could think, I could feel all things happened around me. I could feel dad's silence when he stared at me. I could feel dada's sad face and I could also feel many of people blamed me for that incident, don't know why. I know everything.
Any way, Things were changed by passing the time. Dada went to college. I have promoted to class II.
Dad reduced coming home, he had come 1 time in 4-5 months. And me?
Well! I travelled to school from home alone, every day. May be they thought I was old enough to travel alone. The situations have changed, but it leaves a long, unsolved explanation to understand. I was a part of it, we all were parts of it.. After mom has gone everything changed in their own way. My family broke up into pieces. Which can't be together anymore. At least not for this time. We miss mom, specially dad! That night was unexpected to all of us, that shouldn't be happend, mom should be with us, at least with dad and dada. Everything shouldn't be messed like this.
**
Well, I'd never cried. Maybe I could not cry or anything else, but I'd not cried till today. I don't had a friend. Actually I was afraid to talk to people. As usually I do not know the reason. I could not say this to anyone. Because no one was there for listen.
My schedule was very simple. Go to school and came back to home from school. Some problems were increased too much in these days one of the most bad was sleep.. I told before that I couldn't sleep at night, but now I can't sleep anytime in a day. Just like sleep is not in my characteristics. In that way I was awake all the day and night along. A new habit I had received was reading. I'd started reading many kind of books. Well, in this time gap I had learned to live alone. I had learned to maintain ownself.
Dad wanted to take us with him, to Delhi. But me and dada didn't wanted to go. We loved to live here. Dad also didn't force us to go with him. But he reduced coming home..
I did not like to go to school. I did not talk to anybody in class. Not just in class, in anywhere.. I always stayed far away from all of things. So, all of my classmates made fun of me. I used to stay in library in most of my free time in school, except the classes.
I also bought many books and read them.
This is how the days were passing. Suddenly everything has confused again for one incident.. This incident changed all the relations. It brokes the hearts. And a 7 year old girl had lost her identity.
Sometimes I thought that should not happened. I looked back to my life and told my brain that everything what happened is always for some good issues. In my story it was, some way not normal. Sometimes I could not believe in those incidents happened to me. But they were actually came. As well as I lost everything from my life.
***
That was May of 2007. One Sunday. As usually I had nothing to do. I had already finished my homeworks. Dada was on a college trip. Grandma gone to my aunt's place to visit them. I was alone in the house. An idea suddenly came to my mind. I went to my mom and dad's room and started to clean it. A lots of files, papers, and many more things were messed in the room. Actually dad did not like someone enters in his room except us. So, I started from the self. After 1 hour I had almost cleared half of the room. When I was cleaning the wardrobe I found a file. My name was printed on it.
Once I thought it maybe dad's important stuff, then the night argument between mom and dad appeared in my mind and I don't know why but I opened the file.
It contained my medical reports. All of the reports were reporting something abnormal in tests. I could not recognise that because I was too small to understand the words of biochemistry. And then I found a sheet of paper, which was looked like a certificate.. Yes! That was my birth certificate. In that certificate the place where parents' name should be present, was blank.
Why!!
I know my parents' name.
So, why that was blank?
Thousands of questions had came to my mind that time. I sat down on the floor with the paper. I was suffocating. One and only fear threatened me from that night, is that true? Weren't they my real parents? If that's true , so, who am I? What is my identity? My mind was blunt. I could not understand should I laugh or cry! Even I could not think that I am not their child. I did not know what to do next! Should I ask dad!? But this would hurt him again. So, what should I do now!?
I questioned myself. But got no answer....