Querencia \\ Hvitserk Ragnarsson

Chapter 30: Unbearable

Bjarke sat on the edge of the ship. Their journey had been successful. Rollo had agreed to join Hvitserk with his armies. He said that it'd take him a while to gather up his forces, but that he'd be there as soon as possible.

It was past midnight when they returned, so Hvitserk and Bjarke left the others and went to sleep. Bjarke was in need of sleep. Physically she had already recovered from giving birth to her dead son, but mentally she was nowhere near recovery.

Hvitserk understood. He tried to be there for her as much as he could. He knew that Bjarke had bonded with the child way more than he had, so she was in much more pain than he was.

---

Bjarke woke up to Hvitserk talking to Ivar.

"Ivar?" she whispered.

"Hello sunshine, you look amazing today. I'm sorry for your loss, I guess it was the will of the gods though," he said.

Bjarke faked a smile as she wrapped the blanket closer around her body.

"We're leaving in an hour to set up camp near the battlegrounds. Make sure you're ready," Ivar said. "Oh, and Bjarke. You're not fighting."

"But I-"

"I'm not letting my brother's future wife die. This is non-negotiable."

After having said that, he left.

Bjarke rolled her eyes.

"You know he's right, right?"

"And why is he?"

"If I lose you out there then I will have lost the two people I care about the most in this world. I cannot lose you too, Bjarke," Hvitserk said.

"Then what about me? If you die then I will have lost those two people anyway, but you're allowed to fight because you were born a man."

"Bjarke! I am allowed to fight because I am not as weakened as you are."

"I am not weakened, Hvitserk! I heal fast, remember. The slashes have disappeared. Don't tell me I'm weak!"

"Bjarke, I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you go out there. Not like this."

There was a moment of silence.

"So you're just going to have me waiting around for you whilst I can no absolutely nothing..."

"I'm sorry."

---

Bjarke was angry. She was a strong and independent woman. She shouldn't have to sit and wait around.

She knew the others were out there battling. She did not know who was winning.

To pass the time she tried to remember a conversation she heard Ivar and Hvitserk having this morning. One that she had not been supposed to witness.

"What do you fear most, dear brother?" Ivar had said. "The loss of thought or memory?"

"My thoughts and memories seem to be the same," had been Hvitserk's answer. "Every time I think I always remember the day I jumped out of Ubbe's ship."