Just Tired (a Demi Lovato fanfiction)

Chapter 8

Hannah's POV

I was sitting at the table, staring at my food. Chicken salad. Could be worse but still too unhealthy. Demi sat across from me.

Demi :"You gonna eat or what?"

Hannah :"Demi, I'm not hungry. I would be fine with an apple"

Demi :"Nope. You're gonna eat what's on your plate and that's final!"

I thought about ways to escape this torture. Maybe I could just run out of the front door. If I'm fast enough Demi wouldn't catch me. But what would happen if she'd catch me? She would scream at me. What is worse? The screaming or eating? The food is worse, for sure. Should I try it?

Try it. Come on! Go for it! the voices inside my head screamed at me.

They are right. It was worth a try. But at first I had to make Demi believe that I actually was about to believe something so she ...uggh...I don't really know how to say it. But you you know what I mean, right?

I picked up the fork and looked up at Demi. She nodded and looked back down on her food and continued eating. One moment later I jumped up and made a run for it. Within seconds I reached the front door. I ignored Demi's screams and reached for the door handle. I could hear steps behing me so I hurried up. I pressed the handle down and....ran against the door. It was locked. Shit. I tried to jiggle the door open but there was no use. I was screaming at the door but nothing worked.

Half a second later I felt Demi's strong arms yank me away from the door. She dragged me to the living room and pushed me on the couch. 

"What the fuck was that?" she snapped.

"N-nothing"  I sniffled.

"Nothing? You know what? You are a little selfish bitch"  Demi screamed. Ouch! "I'm trying to help you, okay? Even though I have way more important things to do, I decided to spend my precious time with a fucked up smurf I don't even care about. You know what? Continue with all that crap but hide it. I don't wanna deal with the media and take the blame for not seeing the signs and whatever"

Wow...her career is more important to her than her own little sister? Okay, well then...

"I'm selfish? You are the one that only cares about herself and doesn't give a fuck about others" Oops. That slipped out.

I could see the anger boiling up in Demi's eyes. She was shaking in anger and suddenly...

SLAP. 

...her hand colided with my face. I felt a sharp pain on my right cheek. Did she just really do that? Slowly I looked up at her and she looked just as shocked as I was.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Hannah" she tried to hug me but I flinched away.

"D-don't touch me!" I yelled and ran into my room quickly locking the door behind me. I slid down the surface of the door and burried my head into my hands. I wasn't crying anymore. I was just too shocked to cry. Demi just slapped me. I guess, I deserved it though. It was my fault. I tried to run away.

Then I remembered. She said I can continue cutting and starving myself as long as nobody finds out. Did she really mean it? I don't really know and nor do I care. She said it and I'm gonna do it. I went to my suitcase and took a book out. No, I wasn't planning on reading it. I just wanted to get what was hidden inside. My blade.

I went to the en-suite bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. I pulled my sleeve up. Then I started drawing red lines over my arms with the shiny metal in my hand. They weren't deep but it hurt enough to calm me down.  After about eight cuts I stopped.

As I was washing the blood from my arms I looked into the mirror. I could see a purple bruise forming on my cheek. Nice one, Demi. It's gonna be hard to cover that one up...

Approximately five minutes later the bleeding had stopped and I went back into my room. There was a quiet knock on my door. "Please open the door. I'm really really sorry" Demi sniffled from outside in the hall way.

I sighed and opened the door because I didn't wanna give her another reason to slap me. As soon as the door was open she stormed in and hugged me. What the-? Why on earth would she hug me? Why would ANYONE hug me?  I awkwardly patted her back.

"Thank god, you're okay" she mumbled into my neck "I'm really sorry"

"It's okay...I deserved it"

She pulled away and cupped my face so I had to look into her eyes. "No, didn't deserve it. I don't know why but I just lost control over myself and I'm incredibly sorry, okay? And I didn't really mean what I said earlier. Of course, I won't allow you to continue with that stuff"

I looked down at my hands.

I heard Demi shigh :"You just....you know, right?" She pointed at my arm. I nodded not wanting to lie into her face since she wouldn't believe me anyway. She pulled me to my bed and I sat down beside her.

She gently lifted my arm and placed it on her lap. Then she pulled the sleeve up and traced the cuts with her fingers before looking right into my eyes :"You NEED to stop, Hannah. I remember how I felt during my cutting time. I thought life couldn't get any worse but even at my worst times I didn't have half as many cuts as you do. It takes so much self hatred everytime you grab the blade and your arms show me that you feel way worse than I ever did. I don't eve wanna imagine the pain you're going through. That must be horrible. Don't you wanna be happy? Because, believe me, you can be. As soon as you start to improve you'll feel better. Please, promise me that you will try it" She begged.

As much as I wanna be happy...I know I will never be. I don't deserve it.

"I'll try..." I lied. I just can't afford to gain weight.

Demi smiled weakly :"How about we go to bed? It's been a long day" I nodded in agreement.

She lifted the comforter for me. I slipped under it and she....laid down next to me. I looked at her in confusion.

"What? You didn't think I was gonna leave you alone, right?" She switched off the light and placed her arm around my waist. And it actually felt...quite good.

"Goodnight, Hannah" she mumbled. I could feel her breath against the back of my neck.

She way too nice to me. I feel like she means it though. I swear I don't deserve any of this. I really need to find a way to get out of this recovering thing. I started to think of a plan but before I had any good idea I fell into a dreamless sleep...

A/N: Sooooooorrrryyy for not updating in AGES!!!!! I was super busy with school and stuff (yes...not on vacation yet!) Oh and I have a massive writers block...that's why this chapter sucks!!!! Doesn't excuse my laziness though...

And btw...I found out that my family is even weirder than I thought... Apparently my great grand father for example had two different identities he lied about soo many things (our ancestry for example...) It's a pretty twisted story...I just found out about that other thing with my uncle and aunt... God, I swear my family has more secrets than the american secret service....

If you have any ideas for this or my other stories (plz check them out) let me know!

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Love y'all <33