Against The Current

Chapter 16

She couldn't do it.

One glimpse into Killian's eyes had told her that she couldn't reveal herself.

Shit. Not yet!

She knew she couldn't breach his trust like that.

He was just like her! They were both slightly damaged with high and impenetrable walls of steel. Emma could see that Killian was damaged goods, using his playboy status as a guise to distance people from the real him.

The magazines projected a rich and handsome, carefree sexaholic. Killian was anything but carefree; he had weights holding him in the past that he needed to cut free. Emma had to laugh at the irony, wasn't she weighted down by the same thing? She saw herself mirrored in his eyes and it scared her.

Emma wanted to tell Killian that she was a Government Agent and that she could look after herself. Looking into his vulnerable eyes as he had divulged his history and let her in through his walls had been eye opening for her. She knew from experience that letting people see the 'real' person behind the facade was difficult and that he had to have trusted her implicitly to do so.

How could she break his trust? Revealing her true intentions at his company and in his life would shatter any trust between them. It would also jeopardize the investigation.

'It's not the investigation you are worried about.' Her subconscious screamed at her. Killian was a professional. He might still work with her but he would  definitely cut her out.

Emma pushed the thought aside; she wasn't ready to walk down that path just yet.

"Swan? Swan? What do I need to be aware of?" Killian's voice broke through her disjointed thoughts and she raised her head to take a quick peek at his face. His emotions were exposed and on display across his features, worry the most evident.

She disguised the unease of her continued deception with a small smile and a quick cover story.

"I do know self-defense! I took a class once, it was a good class...taught me lots of things," Emma blurted out before trailing off as she noticed Killian's suddenly amused face. The worry was momentarily erased and a teasing sparkle lit his eyes.

Emma swallowed the unexpected lump in her throat and hoped her smile reached her eyes. Killian was becoming adept at reading her like a book and she didn't want to seem insincere.

"I would wager that you gave the men in that class quite a wallop." Killian laughed as Emma nodded. She did beat all of her fellow Agents quite regularly at their training sessions.

Emma watched as the cheer drained from Killian's face to be replaced by unease. Killian reached out to ensnare her hand, his thumb brushing slightly along her skin and sending flames blazing to the pit of her stomach. Emma allowed herself a moment and tangled her fingers with his before abruptly pulling her hand out of his grasp.

"I'm not sure what to do with you?" Killian murmured before turning away from her and moving to gaze out of his window. Emma knew he was starting to freeze her out again.

"I can look after myself!" Emma insisted, "I have been doing it long enough."

Killian didn't turn around at her exclamation and continued to gaze in silence. His silence was eating away at her; she knew he was blaming himself for letting her in, for putting her in danger.

Emma walked up and stood awkwardly behind him, her hands itching to touch him. She resisted the urge and tried to reach him with words instead.

"Why not go after Miranda?" Emma pondered out loud. Voicing her thoughts always allowed her to gain more perspective on a situation. The fact that Gold had left Miranda alone had to be significant.