Raspberry Kisses

Chapter 6

Phil

I sat on the bed. Just sitting and staring. What the hell was I supposed to do?! My best friend in the entire universe had just kissed me…And I might have enjoyed it. I know I hugged him first and everything, but still…I didn’t know what to do. I told him I was tired. I told him I was napping. But in reality, all I was doing was letting silent tears escape my eyes. I just couldn’t figure out what my brain thought. What my heart felt. I slowly brought my sleeve to my face, drying my tears. I was just in time, too, for Dan walked in at that moment.

“Hey,” he said, sounding sad. He came over after a minute and sat down next to me.

“Rawr,” I responded because I honestly didn’t know what to say. Or even if I could form any coherent words.

“We haven’t had lunch today,” he pointed out.

“We should have linner,” I mumbled back. I really wasn’t hungry, though.

“Food. Eat.” He nodded his head as he said this. I guess he was at a loss of words, too.

“What kind of food?” I asked.

“I don’t know. What do you want?”

I want this all to make sense. I don’t want us to be awkward. I want my brain to figure out my feelings. Do I love you, Dan? Do I?

“I’m not particularly hungry,” I finally stated.

“Me neither. But we should eat anyway.”

Then there was silence. I finally got up and shuffled to the kitchen. I was so confused. I made a cup of tea and then wandered over to the Xbox. I turned it on and slipped in Skyrim. I tried to play, but my brain wasn’t there, so I switched it off and went back to my room. I slid under the covers, praying that I could just fall asleep and that everything would work itself out while I was gone. I finally fell asleep and I dreamed of our flat, except that only I lived in it. Dan was gone. The dream Phil was lonely and depressed. He spent the entire dream staring at the ceiling.

I must have been sleep walking again, because I woke up sprawled on my bedroom floor. I quickly got up and shut and locked the door, so Dan wouldn’t come check on me. I didn’t think I could stand to see him until I sorted out my feelings. I couldn’t fall asleep again so I opened my laptop and logged onto Youtube. I had a few comments on videos that I responded to, and then I decided to film a vlog. I knew it was only around one in the morning, but I decided to anyway.

“Hi guys. Sorry for being away for a bit, but Dan and I,” I mentally grimaced when I thought about Dan, “went out to dinner with the awesome Alex Day and Carrie Fletcher. And then yesterday we went sledding. Now, I have a question for you guys. What do you do if you’re really confused and you don’t know what to do in a fairly awkward situation? I don’t think I can talk to the other person yet, but if you guys have any advice, I’ll take it.”

I posted the video and people started commenting immediately.

‘Talk to the other person, no matter how hard that is.’

‘Buy them a gift.’

‘Write them a note.’

‘Send your lion army at them.’

I have to admit; the last one made me smile, and seemed to be the easiest. I knew I couldn’t face Dan yet. Buying him a gift seemed pointless if I couldn’t talk to him. And I couldn’t write him a note about how I felt if I didn’t know how I felt. I ended up spending the rest of the early morning awake, still so confused.