Open Shop: Reviews, Editing, Research

Confessions of a Suckish Writer

Author: NellaDeVilla.

Genre: Teen Fiction.

Chapters Reviewed: Seven.

Overall Score: 87/100.

Cover, Title, and Blurb:

-- Cover: The cover wouldn't have drawn me personally, but I can see why another person might've checked it out: simple without being boring, and (I think) there's a natural draw for other writers to see a writer's mind. This cover sets up that expectation. The one thing I might suggest is capitalization-- the title on your cover doesn't match the title on the page in that respect.

-- Title: At first glance, it looks like it's going to be a personal story (by which I mean autobiographical, not that the work is impersonal); the story is, or was before this whole ranking mess came to be, labelled as teen fiction, and I probably would've assumed that it was mislabelled. It's a pretty common occurrence on this site. Despite all that, though, I think the title is fitting, since it's exactly what your main character is doing and feeling. Her self-esteem is lower than the ninth circle, so it makes sense that she'd call it "suckish", and her writings are confessionals of a sort. Just the priest is a bit unorthodox.

-- Blurb: Instant appeal. Yeah, some grammatical issues (more on that later), but beyond those... I'd pick up the story based on this. It's poetic, but there's an edge to it, a sort of darkness, that really just... sets up what's to come so neatly.

Score: 3.5/5.

Grammar:

-- Commas: Occasional missing or extra comma, not really a big deal. Like in Chapter 1, you have "On the outside lovely Eloise here" instead of "On the outside, lovely Eloise here". But for the most part, I think you're correcting them-- the commas in dialogue, the few errors here and there. Beyond that, not really much to say.

-- Commas are what's getting you here. Get those fixed, and I think pretty much all of your grammar issues are good.

Score: 11/15.

Plot and Overall Entertainment:

Unlike the traditional story, this one doesn't really follow the sort of plot style you'd normally see. The reader spends a significant amount of time exploring Danielle's head (don't worry, it's a fascinating place to be), becoming acquainted with her life and her thoughts, before the first major event happens-- that being her first encounter with Jackson. Being seven chapters in (but still planning to continue), I don't yet have a lot to say on the plot, but I think the most important aspect so far is getting to know Danielle and her world. She's struggling with family, with 'friends', with school, with the future, with the past, with herself, and now with the impressions of the one person who may understand her.

Even though it doesn't follow the traditional sense of plot, it still easily captures my attention. As I said, I still intend to continue with the story, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how the relationships between Danielle and the people around her change, especially with her mother and Jackson. I assume by the prologue that she does, in the end, go to college, so there's going to be some strife there... anyway, best of luck with your story; I think you'll do just fine, given what you have right now.

Score: 14/15.

Characters:

-- Danielle: I've been on Wattpad actively for a bit now, and I'm quite used to seeing "flawed" characters. By "flawed", I mean that their issues are mostly superficial, boring, and ultimately fake-- their hair isn't blonde or whatever. But Danielle... oh, she's flawed. And it is absolutely wonderful to read. This is a girl with very deep problems. She's just drowning in them, and the way she tries to solve them is complex and all too human. She wants to lash out at her mother and her sister, but she feels so guilty for doing it; she feels suicidal, but she thinks that she's too much of a coward to die and tells herself to get over it; she spends her time pouring out her soul into her stories, but she thinks that they'll never come to life. Danielle never comes off as unnecessarily whiny or over-the-top, her relationships are very interesting, and her viewpoints are both unique and universal simultaneously. Really, brilliantly done.

-- Jackson: Again, I'm used to seeing "bad boys" and leads with "dark souls", but Jackson's pretty much the real-life version of what a teenage boy with problems should be. Now, naturally, those problems could surface in many ways, but for a boy in Jackson's situation-- popular and 'happy', but feeling utterly trapped and suffocated-- his actions make sense. He doesn't feel like he can share himself with anyone, so he keeps his real words hidden, until some small part of him can't help but try and reach out to someone else just as seemingly silent as he is. I've not seen a lot of him yet, being where I am, but what he has to say is both similar to Danielle (making it nice in a building-chemistry way) and different (cementing him as an individual). Looking forward to seeing more of him.

-- Danielle's Family: One of the things I think I love most about your characterization is being able to see where everyone is coming from, clearly and with sympathy. It's easy to see why Danielle resents her mother; she doesn't like this new man in her mother's life, and she certainly doesn't welcome her mother's comments on her future. That said, her mother is not portrayed as a "bad guy" parent-- while she may not go about it the best way, she is truly concerned about her daughter's future, and I can't fault her for wanting to find someone to share her life with again. Danielle's sister, Bianca, almost seems too good to be true-- kind, supportive, thoughtful, even in the midst of her own problems. It seems both entirely natural and also totally unfair that Danielle is tempted to make her a villain, and that just lends to the very human element of this story.

Score: 15/15.

Overall Notes:

-- Chapter 1, Eloise: At first, I was concerned about the dumb, vapid popular blond girl cliche, but you circumvented that pretty neatly: she's worried, she's tired, she's dealing with problems at home. I appreciate this.

-- Dialogue tags. "Said" is the invisible tag (or "asked" for questions), so when we read them, we practically ignore it beyond realizing who's speaking, unless it's used over and over and over again. So while it's occasionally a good thing to put in a strong word (something like he snarled can really pack a punch), the repeated use of those non-invisible words can drag a reader out of the story. I noticed a lot of these in your story, but don't worry: easy fix!

-- I love Edmund. I'm a sucker for cute dogs.

-- This story kind of just breaks my heart at some points. There are so many people who feel like this, and now us readers are right alongside them. And watching Danielle sabotage herself is painful in a really powerful way.

-- I love her conversations with her characters. I know someone who actually feels this, and to some extent, I get the voices of my own characters, but it's just really nice to see it written like this.

-- I'm not sure how much of this is from experience, first-hand or second-hand, since your name and your character's are rather similar, but I still applaud you for covering this topic.