DEAR NAME | jjk.

CHAPTER TWO

It's been two days since the incident. 

I've thought a lot about it. I guess you can call me a deep-thinker-- my mind never rests until I figure everything out. Or at least, until I come to a conclusion of what I really believe. And so, I say, that there is no such thing such as love for me. 

People always get hurt when they believe. They always get hurt, thinking that these kinds of aspects in life control them. When in reality, we are the ones in control. Fate doesn't control you. Love doesn't control you. Fate offers you countless of options; and you're the one to make the choice. 

It's become a habit that I wake up too early, and go to work when my shift hasn't even started yet. After living around this area for almost 2 years, I've memorised the place and know my way around it like the back of my hand. Especially the alleyway around the cafe, where I currently am. I take a deep breath and pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from different pockets. 

I'll probably never get to say this out loud. The longer I think about the break-up, the more my chest aches. Was I not enough? I'm aware of my fatal flaw, which is my pride, and Llumi has talked to me about it, but was that part of me really that unworthy? 

But I couldn't help it. I want to be loved. But I don't want to be left alone because of my flaws. The whole reason I gave up my career as a lawyer was because I always got others in danger. A bounty for my head, or a bounty for my loved ones'. Of course, they never saw through my pride. Everyone thought I was only doing things for myself. 

I've given myself this title. I can't back down now.. no matter how sad it will be, no matter how lonely it will be, no matter how painful, I'm used to it. Nobody will see through me anyways, right? Now that I think about it.. what is the point in backing down? There's nothing to lose if I keep this up. 

I pursed my lips and lit the cigarette. Once I pocketed my lighter, I started to tie my hair up. This was such an ironic scene. I remember back when I was young-- my father was a smoker. And I promised that I would never be that kind of person, even if I looked up to him as my role model. Years now, and I'm doing the exact same thing. 

Not that I care that much anymore. It isn't just a day my life starts to change, and 2 days ago is a part of it-- I don't adore my father anymore. I don't believe anymore. I don't act like I care anymore. All that, I'm known for. And I can't change it.. anymore. 

In my purse, my phone buzzed. Of course, no one else would be messaging me since breakfast till now but Rin. What is he dying to tell me? Sighing, I pulled out my phone from my purse and read through his texts-- most of them were in caps, saying that I should watch the link he sent me above. 

After reading it, I didn't hesitate to check out what he was so nervous about. I tapped the link, and it directed me to a social media post. I didn't need to blink twice to know what it was-- yes, on the left, that was definitely me. And I was talking to Llumi. This was 2 days ago! 

"Thanks for saying that after all of this happened." my voice was loud and clear in the video, and I looked more frustrated than I remembered. "You have anymore--" I finally saw it clearly. Llumi raising his hand, and Jungkook stepping in to grasp his wrist. I heard squeals from around the cameraman. 

"Hurting people is bad, man." he says, before pushing Llumi out of balance. "Especially people like her." I then tried to get a hold of Llumi somehow, but Jungkook stopped me, "Let me beat him up!" I yelled in the recording, "You always get mad at me for standing up for what I want even if it isn't right," it was obvious I was trying to get out of his grip, "When you were doing the same thing!" I raised a finger, then stormed off. It was seen in the video how the crowd parted for me to go.