Hidden Hearts | short story

NINE: PINOCCHIO

NINE: PINOCCHIO

It had been days since I accepted the fact I liked Sean whilst continuously denying it deep down. It was weird to like him—we had gotten so close I was practically used to his presence. However, with the more times we had spent together, the more I started to see him differently. And with the unnecessary feelings lingering around, I became afraid.

So I started keeping my distance.

There were times when Timothy and Nathan would join the three of us for breaks and lunch. We would walk together and joke around like good friends. It was around those times when Eve and Sean would tease each other so much it would lead to a physical fight—nothing too serious, of course. A simple slap on the arm here and then.

Though it was weird.

Whenever those times arose—they had always done that even from way before—I tend to feel as if I wasn't there anymore. As if I was an invisible wind watching them as they played around. Then, I would feel unnecessarily hurt and ignored them, pretending I had better things to do. I looked away; my eyes always unable to look at them away I did. Timothy and Nathan would talk among themselves without even noticing me or them. It was this unnecessary pain I felt that I didn't like, so sometimes I started to avoid talking to them or being with them.

It wasn't that I hated being with them. The feelings were so overwhelming I almost couldn't keep up. I sensed that Sean noticed this too and therefore limited the amount of interactions with me as well, which honestly hurt me at first but I started to grow used to it. I would be completely lying if I said I was fine, though.

These days, I started to hangout with Waverly Mickins and Natalie Holmes more often. I would head to the cafeteria with them and even spend my other free time along side with them. I knew Eve slowly stopped hanging around the guys after I did so she often decided to go along with Astrid.

Whenever I saw Sean and his usual gang of guys, I would feel sick in my stomach. I felt bad. It was my fault everything had turned out this way and yet, no one seemed to attempt to change things to make them better again. Which then hurt me even more. However, I was the one who changed everything. Perhaps I had to be the one to change it back.

But how could I when I couldn't even meet Sean's eyes whenever we spoke? I always get an uneasy and overwhelming feeling in my stomach whenever I did. It felt like a guilty pleasure and I was doing my best to end it. Sometimes, I couldn't even eat properly without feeling like puking out of nowhere.

Sean and I slowly drifted apart ever since that day where everything had changed. Nothing had been the same—everything was different and new. It wasn't just that, everything felt completely foreign as well.

And it was all my fault.

+ + +

A week had passed with the same routine between Sean and I. Unfortunately for me, those feelings hadn't disappeared despite the limited interactions we had. It swallowed me up eventually and I wasn't acting the same way ever since.

It had came to a point where Sean had to question me himself. Which was why, early in the morning, he had approached me.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice sounding distant. "Can we talk?"

Upon hearing that, my stomach started lurching. I was afraid of what he would ask. I was even more afraid of what slip ups I could make and getting the truth out—which was the last thing I wanted to happen.

"Sure?" I replied, unsure.

"Outside. Let's talk outside."

This made me more nervous. As we walked out of the classroom, my heart kept skipping a beat. It was stupid—a buzz of emotions was rushing into me all at once that I was confused on what I should be feeling at that point.

We stopped once we reached an empty area of our high school, with wide rectangular windows filling up the spaces that were once simply walls.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked first, my heart clenching as I avoided eye contact with him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at his face.

"You've been distant lately, Lily," he started off, "did I do something wrong?"

There it was. The question I had long avoided. Anything I did or say now I could hold accountable for in the future.

"I have?" I decided to play dumb. With a tired smile plastered on my face, I told him, "It could be because I've been trying to study more lately and I get tired from it."

I managed to glance at his face for a second. He didn't look convinced. "Lily, I apologize if I did anything wrong to you. I wanted to give you time but I can't go another day knowing there might have been something I did wrongly towards you and that led to you acting like this to me. I miss us. Our circle. I miss hanging out with you and Eve."

I missed it too, in all honesty. But I didn't want to put my walls down. I knew where these feelings would lead me to. I would get hurt. If I pursued these feelings, I would get even more hurt. So as much as possible, I wanted to end them before anything.

Forcing up a smile, I looked up and did my best to hold eye contact with him. "Sean, I'm fine. You didn't do anything. I'm just tired lately."

"Yeah, but still—"

"Sean," I called, cutting him off, "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" he questioned once again, looking more concerned.

I nodded. "Yes."

That day, I lied about my feelings about being fine in order to protect the hidden ones. It wasn't just for my sake. If I were to confess, then what? There was nothing that could be attained but a heart break and an awkward relationship between the two of us. And I didn't want to risk our friendship just because of my stupid feelings that could only be temporary. 

~Author's Notes~

Sorry I haven't updated in a while! My routine has been revolving around going to school, studying and then heading off for tuition. Basically, I have a packed schedule up until the end of November, probably :") But I'll do my best to update so y'all don't get left in a drought HAHAHAH 

hoped y'all enjoyed this one <3