struggling Joshaya

part 25

The 15th September:

*MAYA*:

I woke up as my alarm clock started to make sound. I took my phone and my eyes widened and a smile pulled at my lips when I saw the date...

-"It's Eliots birtday!" I said and woke Josh up...
-"Yeah..yeah it is!" He said while rubbing his eyes...
-"Ok. Cmoon get up. We have to get everything ready!" I sad and pulled the covers off of the bed. As I did I was left speachless when I found Josh completly naked."You could wear some underwear" I giggled...
-"Well I like to sleep naked" He smirked as he hot out of bed and started to walk closer to me...
-"Oh. I...I..I can see that" I said nervous. As he was walking closer I felt butterflys in my belly...
-"Why so nervous Maya?" He giggled as he moved closer. He was standing right in front of me. He leaned down... I started to feel something. As he was leaning down I started to kiss his neck. My lips were pulled from his chest when he opened drawer behind me and pulled out boxers. He stood back up and loughed as I loosened up...
-"Josh!" I said kind of mad...
-"What?" He played like he didn't understand...
-"You can't do that. You get me all riled up... and then nothing" I say...
-"Well. today is Eliots birthday, plus he is next room about to wake up annnnd I want it to be romantick" he said as he pulled his jeans up...
-"FINE!"

We get dressed and walked in livingroom. I sent Josh to get Eliot changed and dressed while I head to kitchen. We were having his party at Topanga's. So I had to make some snacks and buy a cake. The rest we will order there.

-"The boy is ready" Josh says as he walks out of Eliots room...
-"Come to mommy" I say and take Eliot from Josh...
-"mo-mm-y" Eliot says quaetly...
-"What did you just say? Did you hear that? JOSH did you hear that?" I say with tears starting to fill up my eyes...
-"Yes... yes I did!" Josh exclames too.

An hour later we are ready to go. We pack everythibg in car and go. We have 20 minutes ride to Topangas. It we get in traffick than at leas an hour...

-"Josh. Stop the car!" STOP THE CAR!" I yell...
-"What's wrong?" He asked worried as he stops and I get out...
-"I feel sick I ju-" I get cut off when I start to vomit...
-"I'll get you some water" he says and walkes to car...

We get back in the car. We are silent. I turn on the radio, but Josh turns it off...

-"Are you-?" He starts nervous...
-"I don't know" I say looking down and holding back tears...
-"What now?" He askes clueless...
-"I don't know" I say again...
-"What are we gonna do?" He askes again...
-"I don't know" i say AGAIN...
-"Maya, do you know anything?" He snaps...
-"Um I know that I don't deserv you yelling at me right now" I snap back...
-"I know. I am sorry. I just don't-" he says but I cut him off...
-"You don't know if you want baby" I say...
-"NO! What are you talking about? I just don't.. I don't want to go thrue that again. I can't see you break again" he sais as his eyes start to fill up in tears...
-"We don't know if we are pregnant" I say...
-"Maya you've been sick for week every morning. I hear you vomiting every day" He says...
-"Yeah. But maybe I just ate something bad" I say...
-"For week? Maya If you break I break." He mumbles..

I take his arm in mine. I wanted to cry so bad. When I see Josh cry I break. I try to calm down. I look at Josh and smile. Few tear drops are leaving his eyes as they trace down his cheeks. I put my hand on side of his face and wipe the tears softly away...

-"Today is a happy day. OK? Eliot is turning one" I say...
-"I know. I just really love you." He says as he takes my hand and moves it closer to his lips and leavs soft kisses on it...

We get to Topanga's. My parents and Cory and Topanga are there. We walked in. Cory runs up to us grabes Eliot out of my hands.

-"Give me my 1 year old nephew" he says and walkes back to Topanga...
-"Yeah yeah. That's him" I say and leave a soft giggle...

Few minutes later everyone else ( Smackle and Farkle, Zay and Vanessa, Lucas and Riley and of course baby girl Linda) arrives...

We great everyone. We sit down and start to order our "hot meals". Few seconds later I catch myself staring at 1 month old Linda...

Party was great. We sang "Happy birtday" to Eliot. Ate cake. Talked. The party wasn't long. It was from 10AM to 12AM.
It was time for us to go home. Eliot was ready to take a nap.
As we were driving home we stooped at store to by pregnancy tests.

We got home. Josh took Eliot to his room and I went in to our bathroom. I took a test. I had to wait 5 minutes. Thise 5 minutes felt like 5 hours. I sat there and waited..and waited..and waited...

-"So what does it say?" Silence was inturapted by Josh...
-"I have to wait 2 more minutes" I said...

Josh sat next to me. He placed one of his arms on my beck and the other one on my hand on my knee. I looked at him and smiled. Few minutes later my alarm rang, which meant that the test was ready. I stood up and walked in bathroom. I looked at test and tears started to fall down my face.

-"So. What does it say?" Josh asks as he follows me in the bathroom...
-"It says that I..that I" I start but I can't finish. I take test and hand it to Josh...
-"Omg!" He says "It's um..it's" he can't speak...
-"Yeah!" I say and let few more tears to fall down...
-"So we are having baby?" He finnaly puts words together...
-"Well if the test is right, then yes!" I say and run in to Josh's arms.I feel his love. I feel how happy he is. I am happy too. I just can't stop thinking what if something happens to this baby. What if I misscarry AGAIN?