Have You Ever?

Last day

The whole week went by pretty fast.
I got 3 exams done and today is my last one. The one I hate, Math.

You only have to be here 90 minuets, after that you're done.

I take a deep breath.

I got this.
You got this.

I take a seat and take out my pencil.

The sound of the door opens and closes and the sound of shoes clicking on the floor.

A familiar scent hits my nose.

Wait, I know that smell.

Oh shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

No.

"Good afternoon class, I know this is your last exam of the year. So let's make it the best. Take your time and don't rush." He said.

Fuck. Me.

At that moment I swear I never wanted to throw a chair at someone, but now I do, to him.

He starts passing out the papers table by table.

I brace myself for the awkward moment, for the awkward eye contact, but it never happened.

The moment he got to my table, he just handed to me the way he did to everyone else.
No eye contact, no words, not even a smile.

I feel a sudden stab of pain in my heart.
Why you gotta be so cold?

I swallow the lump in my throat and tried my best to hold back the tears.

Now is not the time to have a meltdown. There are people in this room and they don't have to know the reason why I'm having a meltdown.

I take an absolute deep breath and start doing my work.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was minding my own business and everyone did the same. Except not everyone. I can feel his stare burning into me, to my bones.

I looked up at him and he quickly averted his gaze.

Fucker.

I rolled my eyes at him.

I'm almost done with my exam. I got stuck on the last problem.
Shit.
I reread it three times now and I still have no clue what are they talking about. Is this even english?

I stared at my blank answer sheet. Thinking about the word problem.
Thinking about whether we went over it in class.
Thinking about us.

It was us, in his car.
Covered in sweat from our love making session.
I was sitting on his lap.
"Do you ever worry about us getting caught one day?", I asked him.
"No."
I looked at him eye widened. "What, why not? Because I am."
He smiles sweetly, "You don't have to," The expression on my face stays the same, or more confused I shall say. "because I'm a good liar. Excuse and I come hand in hand."

Because I'm a good liar.

It hits me like a train.
All this time, I didn't love me.
He was using me.
And I let him. I fell for him.

Tears started to fall onto the paper. My whole body was shaking.
My vision went blur.

I stood up and handed the paper to him along with my draft paper with a big 'fuck you' on the front page.

I grab my bag while he was still going through my work.
"You forgot to do that last problem."

I know that you fucker, but I was already at the door.

"You might want to come back and fill this one up."

I don't know what has gotten into me, but his words just triggered me so much.

I looked straight at him, in front of everyone with my hand on the door knob, and said "Fuck you."
Then I left the room.