Journal

Ten

Oh, the castle's under siege

But the sign outside says, "Leave me alone."

~Panic! At The Disco (Always)

I listened to the song over and over again. Constant and constant repeat. I couldn't bear to listen to anything else.

More "stuck in the past".

I snuck out of the house to go to the park and sat on the same swing as earlier. All I did was sit on the sturdy piece of plastic and let the wind rock me back and forth. My black converse barely touched the ground, and I slowly pumped them back and forth while Always replayed.

The bittersweetness brought a voice that told me "You need to stop at some point. You can't fly forever." It triumphed, and I plummeted towards the ground. I grunted and tears began to fall as I landed on my hands. They became bloody and ripped, and my jeans had impossible-to-explain dirt on them.

"You need help?" I looked up to see Him giving me his hand.

"Sure." I smiled for what felt like the first time in eternity. He unplugged the earbuds and let the music play for anyone who dared to hear. We held hands and walked around the trail that surrounded the park.

"So, I have just one question for you," I looked him straight in the eyes. "Why?"

"Why what?" He cocked his eyebrow to the sky and he looked so puzzled.

"Why did you kill yourself?" I whispered. I looked down at the pavement.

"I didn't kill myself exactly. You still remember me, right? Then I'm not dead. If I can exist in someone's memories, and have them be good ones, that's a life well spent, and I can't possibly be deprived of my existence if I'm still walking around with you. Asphyxia and a broken neck doesn't change that."

That's when I woke up on the wood chips under the swing and the song still playing. "Blink back to let me know..."

A/N

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