"I lived a hero and I'll die a hero" said Jam Sackson, as we was gunned down for murdering 74 fucking children and 21 staff at local elementary school Benns Valley.
*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG* (Not everyone saw Jam as a hero)
Jam opened up his eyes, wondering why the actual shitload of bullets just fired at him had not penetrated his thick body. "What the actual Narf broskis, whymst am i not dead".
"I, Jam Sackson, being the Young Sheldon Intellectual that I am, have deduced that with my good deeds in the name of Allah, have stopped time and avoided being murdered by these western pig dog" Said Jam as he got out of his restraints and walked towards the cops.
"God damn, you make it really hard to root for you ,Jam" said a distant voice, getting gradually closer.
"Stay back mysterious voice, I can control time!" said Jam Sackson, getting into a combat stance.
"Shut the fuck up you retarded motherfucker, you don't control time retard, I do. And the only reason your bitch as is alive is because my old friend asked for a favor. Be grateful you fat COCKSUCKING NIGGER" said the voice, grabbing Jam by the neck.
"W-w-whomst are you?" said Jam, who literally pissed his pants(Like a qweer).
"I'm motherfucking Guy Ramsay Fieri, host of Guy's Grocery Games" yelled Guy, throwing Jam against a wall. Jam got up and ran towards Guy.
"Do you know who I am" said Jam going in for a punch. Guy swiftly dodged his punch and grabbed Jams arm.
"Noooooooo, I don't, its not like I have been referring to you as Jam. I mean do have another fucking name. How about cumguzler, do you like that name you slut. How about Tiny Penis Gay Lord. Of course I know your name you Fucking Moron." Whispered Guy as he slapped Jams neck, knocking him out.
Guy teleported himself and Jam back to flavor town, where Molex Aore was waiting.
"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED" Yelled Molex Aore as he ran up to Guy and Jam.
"Jam went full retard and tried to attack me, so I knocked him out" said Guy, throwing Jam on to a bench.
"KNOCKED HIM OUT, HIS FUCKING NECK IS BROKEN, HOW DID YOU KNOCK HIM OUT MY HOMESLICE". Yelled Molex as he pulled out a first aid kit and checked for Jam's Pulse.
"Well, I slapped him on the neck." said Guy, admiring his very large and sexy muscles.
"Well good job dipshit, he's fucking dead. Go back in time and get another Jam, and please don't kill him this time".
"I need the stone then" said Guy, "My powers are depleted"
"Gooooooooddddddd Dammmmmnnnn it you punk ass bitch. Fine, take the Chica Stone, but you better bring it right back, understood!" said Molex as he tossed Guy the Chica Stone.
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"I'm back, and this time he is not dead" exclaimed Guy.
"God Damn, only took 4 times" said Molex.
"Where the Narf am I Broski." said Jam, looking around in amazement at the Hi tech base they were in.
"Welcome to Flavor Town, this is my vacation home" said Molex, ejaculating at his amazing house.
"Whymst was I saved brotatochip" asked Jam(Fucking Moron)
"So I could Suck you Off Idiot" said Molex.
"W-what, that's gay broski" said Jam, backing away.
"Okay, first of all, stop with this retarded ass broski shit, we are not friends, and second of all, I'm not sucking you off, it was Sarcasm dumbass" Yelled Molex,
"Then why am I here" said Jam.
"You really are retarded, look around, isn't it obvious, the puppets return is imminent, and so is his enemy. We need to act fast and get a team together to stop her enemy. If this enemy gets the Freddy stones, all hope will be lost."explained Molex.
"So how does this involve me?" asked Jam.
"Are you fucking kidding, your the only one on the planet who can kill so many people in so little time. Now are you in. Or do I have to send you back to the firing squad" said Molex
"...Fine, I'll help, where do we need to go first." said Jam.
"We need to find Waddler Essel, and the foxy stone he is guarding." Said Molex
YOU ARE READING
The Hero Saga: Phase One
ActionThe True Story of a group of "heroes" (retards) who think they're heroes.
